Dear Universe..

The universe: closest thing to a god I’ve ever seen, AND it actually exists, AND is without debate of far greater practical use than any fictitious entity.

Knowing with certainty I no longer give a shit about the last woman anymore, I am ready for you: the warm, intelligent beauty who not only wants her life partner, but knows both of us need to do stuff for one another if we want to keep us together. 

You and I both know we live in a world where everything falls to shit if it isn’t maintained and we’ll apply that to keeping our connexion active, productive and healthy.

You will want to smooth-out some of my rough edges but will demonstrate love as you’re coercing those changes while being aware of you’re own imperfections; that I will see sharp, pointy bits in you that need to be trimmed too – you’ll be open to our mutually altering one another. 

By the same token you know there will always be things we do that annoy one another because every couple on earth do things to piss the other off – always have, always will – because human beings all have annoying traits and some are just harder to rub out than others.

You will understand with perfect clarity that if not for sex, no man would ever look at a woman to begin with, let alone pursue them; you know that sex is necessary for any man because it’s the only expression of love he understands or wants from a woman – you would never withhold sex from me simply to manipulate, because you know how idiotic that would be since I’ll just grow to resent you more and more as time passes.

You want me to feel as loved as you do, because you’re not a selfish slag like so many others.

You know physical bonding is essential for any two people who have any intention of staying together, and will be openly affectionate – especially when we’re not getting along – because basic intimacy goes a long way in calming us both down and reminds us of the fundamental reason we’re together: to be together. 

You won’t waste my life or yours with endless small talk and stupid teenage shit because you are a grown adult capable of a full spectrum of emotions and know how to express yourself and communicate; you aren’t an emotional retard.

You will be with me, because you’d rather strengthen the bond and keep us together than weaken it by isolating us from us.

Of course you won’t hang-on to every little mistake I ever make just to give yourself an excuse to get angry, because you’re smarter than her and have better things to do than stand there abusing me.

You will be as warm as the sun towards me – as I am to you – and if you do need to impliment some manner of manipulation to extract a desired behavior from me you’ll have a much smoother way of going about it than just screeching like a stuck pig every day for the neighbours to hear, because you’re experienced enough to know that endless screaming and abuse will just make me not want to be around you at all – let alone be with you.

You will have learnt from past relationships what is needed to perpetuate the love we have, as have I.

You will never meet a man like me again and you appreciate *fully* that I am irreplaceable to you. 

You will – in turn – have a man who’ll be anything you need him to, because he’ll know you love him and he’ll do *anything* you ask because he loves you

You will never leave me alone for long because you know that would be constant torture for me because I need you.

I have completely eliminated every trace of the last woman from my life to make room for you and you will have already done the same. 

You will despise “Woman #7” without even meeting her simply because of how she treated me and unlike her you’re on my side, not everyone else’s. 

Let’s fucking go!


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