The soulmate returns 🎻

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Day 1 – Wednesday, 1 August 2018

There you go then. My plans for this post just got fucked.

So instead of writing something deep or enlightening, I’ll be stuck in a chair for the day trying not to fall asleep.

10:28 AM

Class has started and we’ve all just voted out the teachers idea of the class going to Wentworth Falls every week. She asked, we all said “Nope”, so we’ll be heading to katoomba library on those days instead πŸ™‚

I vomited just before coming here this morning.

Toni’s sitting next to me, Ahlei next to her and we’re waiting for our ten minute break. Here’s the list Toni wrote of our shareable life experiences..

11:38 AM

After a grueling one hour we’ve finally been released for a break and it’s all OHS and ‘your rights’ rubbish so far so I stopped listening an hour ago anyway. Everybody stopped listening an hour ago except Takeli, who is frantically taking notes as the teacher talks and earnestly asking questions about .. whatever I’m not listening to her either.

12:56 PM

And here’s today’s classwork..

Of course Takeli complained about Toni and Ahlei and I talking, but Takeli likes to whinge about shit and that old woman Mel, never says anything barr a mumble here or there until class has finished at 12:30 PM when she decided to delve into a who-I-am-as-a-person spiel and hooks everybody up.

I forgot to add this at the time, so here is one of the home-baked biscuits Maria brought in for class today. They were just plain ones but they were very nice. I had three..

4:11 PM

The weekly food truck delivery has come and gone and I’m at the library charging my phone a bit before they close. The Carmen’s muesli bars were already squashed on top of all the boxes.

I kept dropping the shortbread on it’s head myself because they kept slipping out my hands.

I’m sure I’m sunburnt – my forehead feels burnt.

All I gotta do now is go and hot-water some noodles, eat them and that’s it for the day.

Good thing too: I’m uncharacteristically tired, even though I slept alright last night. I was tired Saturday too, which makes me think a head-cold might be on the way.

So now I’m omitting anything remotely romantic that’s all I’ve got to say today.

Nothing else I want to say anyhow.

I wanna eat and sleep.

5:32 PM

Here’s dinner tonight. I’ve already eaten the chicken and have biscuits in my pack and coffee in the tetra-pak.

Even if I’d had a kitchen I still would’ve waited until tomorrow to take groceries for me because I don’t like carrying shit around wth me, as we know.

Day 2 – Thursday, 2 August 2018

Nope, I’m still less than interested in writing about anything but what I want to.

Can’t believe anyone claiming that would not allow me to, really. Sick, is all it is and it makes me just as fucked in the head for playing along.

Lowers the quality and worth of everything and everyone and it’s lowered my worth for three years.

Your head has been up your own arse so long we might need a bobcat to dig it out, but it’s gotta come out.

That’s not too mushy I hope?

My value lies in my uniqueness, not my ability to be like everyone else: will you pleeease just come to terms with it.

12:00 PM

So there’s this old guy comes in regularly to buy books and other crap and at first we joked about him coming in for Ahlei.

Lately though I’ve seen he really does come in for her: the last few weeks he’s been in here he’s only bought random shit and I’ve watched him – he never leaves until he’s had his little exchange wth Ahlei.

Also recently, Ahlei has expressed discomfort with this person loitering around stalking her so I’ve just told him “You can stop coming in here with your ‘Where’s Alee’ bullshit ya pervert. She’s hiding in the fucking kitchen to avoid you. Buy your shit and go: she does not want to talk to you.”

I said a bit more than that, but can’t be bothered writing the entire dialog.

1:20 PM

That’s the tables done. Toni helped today so we got it some in a few minutes, though I didn’t go back and play the piano today.

In the kitchen a moment ago I could only see one volunteer and asked as ive walked in, “Where’s the wicked witch of the kitchen? She gone?”, then turned around to get my pack and there’s Takeli sitting right behind me on the steps eating a sandwich.

“Oh no! She’s right here”, was all I could think to say as she’s looked up at me and with a mouthful of food, chewing.

“Just voicing popular opinion.”

Still, always a bit awkward, that kinda thing.

That old woman Mel with the blonde hair that’s always plaited was in again today and she had to have been on Gear, because she just did not shut up all day.

Not to me though because I don’t like her enough to talk to her, and the only times she ever has talked to me is to ask for a smoke and I just don’t trust her.

Today she’d brought in a box of donations and offered to wash some of the op-shops nicer dresses etcetera: for no reason other than the good of the people she wants to take a bag of good dresses home, wash them then bring them back.

Toni then started picking through the box of donations Mel had given and it was just garbage: hoarders junk. A broken lamp base, an ugly brown dress with broken elastic I  the waist, and leaning over to look into the box revealed that was about the cream of the crop for her donation.

Sneaky old bitch that one.

She offered to share a smoke with me I the afternoon, which I declined without hesitation: Not only I not wish to contract hepstitis, or something, I know anyone constantly asking for smokes isn’t good value and I sure as shit don’t need her thinking she’s got a right to sponge simply because of a single smoke she gave me half of, way back when.

She can fuck off with that scamming shit and have that whole smoke all to herself thank you.

Rosa went off about Old-Bronwyn in. the back kitchen to all the volunteers this afternoon, explaining to everyone that the old woman has no authority at all at the church; she simply attends church services.

Evidently, Old-Bronwyn’s been spreading bullshit about Rosa, Junction 142 and myself to anyone who’ll listen: telling people that I’m living at the church, and bitching about that piano especially.

Toni told me the other day Old-Bronwyn said to her that “what HE doesn’t know is I’m gunna have that piano moved back to the owners house so he won’t be playing it for long!”

Rosa confirmed that story and told everybody to come and talk to her if there’s ant problems – Do not listen to Bronwyn ..

4:41 PM

All three of the oldies from the Cecil who’re regulars here are starting to arrive to do their last-minute library business.

Day 3 – Friday, 3 August 2018

Today I’ve gotta take Julia aside for a moment and tell her I need somewhere to live. I put that here so I don’t forget.

By 6:30 AM I’d already seen Jen at Coles to offload my puppies though the cleaner – the arsehole with the orange towel on his head – didn’t open the centre until 6:20 AM and people were lining up at the doors.

One guy threatened a brick through the plate glass if it happens again and to go in looking for someone. He was pretty pissy about being late for work.

I told him good on you bro, and that the cleaner with the orange shit on his head is the dickhead who’s always late opening up, I’m sure does it just to piss us off. “Real arrogant Indian prick.”

Looked like the type to hate Indians even more than being late, and I had nothing else to do while I waited πŸ™‚

Inside, in the parents change-room, Jen told me I look like shit, though the mirror showed me looking no more shit than I’ve looked for weeks now, then told me I’m welcome to come and stay at her place – again. I graciously declined, pointing out that I’m paying no rent at all currently and she understood, took her bag of dogs, gave me my money and left.

Mm it’s supposed to be Rebecca at the op-shop today, though the past several weeks she’s not appeared until lunch or so, and so I don’t fuckin know: whoever’s there is there.

I’ll have a go on the piano after I’ve spoken to Julia: it’s been a few days now and I don’t wanna get out of practice, and now Rosa’s found the lost bag with my ipad in it I’ve got all the sheet music books I bought online before I quit my job.

3:52 PM

Okay Maria, Raffaella, Cathy and Toni were there as well Rosa and Ahlei of course but I spent the bulk of the day back and forth around the place.

Raffaella is new there, and last week after filling a jumbo/garden sized garbage bag full of rubbish clothes spoke to me for the first time to ask if I’d be a good lad and carry the 30kg thing across the road to the clothing bins – yes even op-shops dump their crap there πŸ™‚

I replied, “No. You’d have to be much younger and more attractive for me to be dragging heavy shit around for you”.

She hasn’t asked me to do anything since and it’s just as well: there’s always a pecking order and she’s way too far down the list to be having me do anything.

If Rosa, Ahlei, Toni or Maria asked I would’ve taken the bag over the road without issue, butt that’s them.

I saw Julia, greeting her with the crucially important update on the pimple I’ve got on my lip. “Me too!”, she tells me and we both acknowledged that they’re always more painful on your lip.

I complimented her light grey fingerless gloves then we got down to the really boring stuff.

She did the government case-worker bit with the consent forms etc, then informed me of a transitional place in north Katoomba that’s either available now or coming-up and told me she’s going to nominate me for it but said I’d have to smoke off the property.

I was confused for a second and asked whether she was serious: if I’m renting the place alone I should be able to smoke any time I like.

She’s leaned-in a bit and lowered her voice to a whisper and asked, ‘Do you think we can’t smell it?’, then told me the whole room stank like it. “Ohhh, right!”, I said, ‘.. surprised you can smell it over all my other smells :)”

She told me I’d have to do that off the property.

“Fine, done.”

Anyway we cleared that up then continued with the basic run-down if this transitional property, and she told me there are others who’ll be nominated too, which led to my telling her to just tell me which answers they wanna hear and I’ll say that.

“You already know the truth Julia, And WE both know that without serious drug issues or mental illness the truth won’t look good on paper, so you just tell me which answers to give and I’ll say that.”

Day 4 – Saturday, 4 August 2018

Alright now just waking up for the day. I’ll have to fix that write-up of yesterday’s meeting with Julia because it could be sharper and mm.. coffee now.

I’ve just gone out to have a smoke and had that dreadful Canadian marketer Corolla come over and start yapping but I had both headphones in so I take one out and turn around to see her pointing to the new ‘no drugs, alcohol or smoking’ sign and yapping at me about my violating the signs rules πŸ™‚

“Ugh, y’know whadda ya gunna do about it?”

‘Well, I’m not going too do anything but my problem is I’ve just spent an hour picking up all the cigarettes of tyke ground and it’s not a good look for the church or the .. the place.

** You mean your greedy little market stall **

“There’s about a hundred people come through here every day that smoke. Go talk to all them about it.”

‘Well I know.. Maybe if there was an ashtray or something.’

“You get an ashtray and I’ll use it, but the other 99 people won smoke won’t bother. They’ll just steal the ashtray.”

See what I mean? The marketers are ONLY about their shitty little fleabag stalls and would be quite happy for all the unfortunates who frequent the church gone so they can squeeze a few more stalls, junk money money MONEY.

And volunteers would be equally unphased if the markets vanished either; such is the dynamic between the not-for-profit service itself and the “markets”.

We only want them because their table fees are income, and they only want the church to sell junk and as pleasant and diplomatic as some people can be, the truth is still the truth and everyone understands perfectly: pleasantries aside, the marketeers are only here to leech off the charity for personal gain and nothing more.

Leonne is okay: she’s probably the only genuine person out front though.

9:35 AM

Rebecca’s just walked the door and we still haven’t put out any op-shop OPEN signs, but the door is open πŸ™‚

11:33 AM

Alright I’m going to write about this because as difficult as it is short-term, it’s the right thing to do and I’ve never had the inclination to shut up about anything else.

It might not be the best format, but I post every other thought here so this site’s really the most appropriate place.

Remember Mandy you told me once, that there was one man you will always love, but that it was an unhealthy relationship and you just had to accept that not all love is the same?

Well the woman I will always love above all else is back, and no other love is the same as the one I have for her: she is my Sun, the centre of my universe and everything to me.

My oracle.

She can be a bitch when she wants to, but after years on and off I still cannot take my eyes off her when we’re in the same room and get nervous when she’s close, because the chemistry still pulses simultaneously quiet and electric and there’s not a day’s gone by since we met I haven’t thought about her.

I do not know why, but there’s no other woman I’ve wanted so persistently and she knows that well enough to use it as leverage to get me to do things I otherwise wouldn’t do, though everything she’s ever demanded I do has been the right thing to do so as much as I loathe having to do anything I don’t want to, I know she will never ask me to do the wrong thing and I fucking adore her.

An explaination is required and I’ll write that too soon, because I can’t not express what I’m thinking and that’s what I’m thinking.


Day 5 – Sunday, 5 August 2018

Good morning Lurkers πŸ™‚

I’ll start this morning with a photo of last nights dinner: a vegetable soup with buttered toast. Simple but it was a lovely little soup and made to use up the leftover vegetables I’d brought a few days ago.

I’m not sure what to call the daughter, since I’m never going to use either of you’re real names, but the child and I prepared the soup freeing her mother, because even an oracle has housework πŸ™‚

And I know ‘the child’ reads pretty cold, but I don’t mean it to, I just haven’t settled on an alias: she’s pretty adorable – most of the time – and even her less adorable moments are tame by comparison.

Making the soup was lovely, outside that minor frustration of the child appointing herself in charge of the kitchen because she was the cook tonight, but really: she’s learning to cook her own meals at eight years old – that’s pretty fuckin’ good πŸ™‚

I did nothing to contradict her head-chef status, though started getting a bit impatient with her careful slicing of every leaf off the cabbage individually, but mum intervened a bit and I finally got to just chop it whole and the soup started cooking shortly after.

10:19 AM

Everyone’s here and Maria’s just told me her sons have a taste for nice* clothes and she’s got a bunch of good shirts she’ll being in for me to try on Wednesday.

Ahlei is Ahlei, Toni is Toni and Rosa is stressed about the malicious rumor-milling Old-Bronwyn’s been doing: the old woman is still going hard to discredit Rosa, but every ear she’s whispering into is already an ally of Rosa’s so it’s all being passed right back to Rosa then us.

Just this morning in the church, the owner of the baby-grand himself was in there – he’s got nowhere to put it he said, and has absolutely no objection to someone playing it: “that’s why it’s there”

Old-Bronwyn quickly scurried out the church just as Rosa started talking to the pianos’ owner – no doubt to avoid hearing the man give Rosa his blessing for me to play.

Soon as the parishioners have finished I’ll go in and play: hopefully while Old-Bronwyn is still here, to hear.

I even offered to come in and meet the owner, but Rosa said there’s no need, “No you’re fine Lovely, there’s no need it’s sorted.”

Ahlei and I both told Rosa in-turn not to let the old bitch stress her out, “It’s just amusing drama to us Rosa don’t let her get to you”

But the old bitch is trying to undermine Rosa’s authority and Rosa has to continually tell associated groups and people that she is the manageress – not Old-Bronwyn, so she’s bound to get a bit stressy about it.

11:30 AM

So I’m walking back down the street, checking out my hair in car window reflections when it occurred to me that in addition to hating Rosa for talking over Old-Bronwyn’s little church and property, Old-Bronwyn would have twice the resentment for me: she’s been told by the committee and Rosa before she’s permitted here for the United Church funded morning tea, but she’s not a volunteer or part of Green Earth Recovery and shouldn’t be here outside Tuesdays and church services on Sunday morning.

And here’s me, a homeless degenerate given open access to everything, everyday, and because I’m both homeless and a volunteer I get every benefit the place has.

She must fuckin’ hate me πŸ™‚

Rosa, Ahlei and Toni ALL applauded my finally writing openly about leaving Mandy for the woman I should’ve been with all along, and I explained that as much as I hate to twist the knife, I write everything on my site and to leave that whole aspect out to spare someone’s feelings would not only be wrong, it prevents me making a record of it and in a years time, or two or 10 I want both of us to be able to look back on everything we’ve done, disagreements and photo-perfect moments alike.

12:12 AM

I’ve just finished playing and today my fingers are working well enough that even I gave myself a little googebump moment. Right afterwards Joelle’s come into the church to tell me I’m playing brilliantly.

Last week I was playing just as well when another volunteer (new guy whose name I can’t remember but he’s pretty hippie and looks a bit like a walrus) came in and told me to never stop playing the piano.

Always coincides with moments I’ve got all ten fingers hitting all ten notes fluently.

No other instrument requires you play 6-10 notes simultaneously and all in harmony with one other: it’s not just press a key, make a sound πŸ™‚ xo

Oh here’s the photo of that purple cabbage while I remember – just because it was a good photo..

I’ve just gotta charge my phone a while: down to 11%.

Here’s of tray from somewhere – blugh. Looks like sliced camel dicks, pass thanks.

3:13 PM

Lunch is finally finished and packed-up for the day, and talking to Rosa before everyone left she agreed I should meet the owner of the piano just because he’s apparently very nice and why not let him know who’s using it πŸ™‚

No idea why we all feel the need to hang back and go all at once, but we nearly always leave as a group. Like that? A little photo of the last few saying goodbye πŸ™‚

Now for You xo

9:47 PM

Dinner was a simple meal of crumbed fish and vegetables but it was lovely and the potatoes were perfectly done, though I don’t know if broccoli will be a favorite vegetable really it’s very tree-like and chewy πŸ™‚

Desert was last night’s desert, and I forgot to post that so here’s that: an egg custard bake with blueberries, strawberries and banana πŸ™‚

It’s getting too late too update the rest of the night, since I plan to fall asleep pretty soon.

Day 6 – Monday, 6 August 2018

So I’m almost at the other church for my eggs and toast I see Rex and Malcolm standing around outside when they should be inside already eating.

Apparently the usual salvation army breakfast is off on bank holidays, so Rex has offered to shout breakfast this morning.

We all want eggs and bacon so we’re doing that, of course I told him I would repay him tomorrow.

Rex couldn’t find his card, but had a bag of $2 coins so we’ve shopped for eggs etcetera and are all going to Malcolm’s place for breakfast because of the three of us he’s the only one with a stove πŸ™‚

There’s only enough petrol in the tank for the trip to Leura though, so Malcolm will be staying at his place after breakfast while Rex and I walk back to the station and get a train the one stop to Katoomba.

The car smells like dog, so I’m slightly apprehensive about the state of the bedsit he never stays at, but why not..

1:55 PM

We’ve been to Malcolm’s and had our eggs and toast for breakfast but did require Rex and I descend into the madness that Malcolm’s dwelling turned out to be.

Contradicting my mental image of a dim, grey government housing bedsit, the building was actually a house and if it were privately rented to a family or just a less insane group of people, cleaned thoroughly, repainted, renovated and properly furnished it would be a fuckin’ beautiful house.

But it isn’t tastefully furnished, renovations look like they’ve never happened, paint hasn’t touched a surface in a long time and the house is a share with four people and chaos.

As for the functionality of group-share cleaning..

Though every share I’ve lived in has either been like Malcolm’s place or an OCD museum-of-cleanliness with flatmates constantly stressing about every unwashed single cup or spoon they discover in the sink.

This cat was the only clean looking thing in the building, and given the absence of hygiene throughout the kitchen I would’ve rather prepared food on the cat than the kitchen benches.

After arriving and an awful lot of Malcolm’s talking and Rex’s listening, and my vaporizing impatiently outside, we finally started cooking the eggs and toast we all wanted and I was set on them this morning or I wouldn’t have gone to lengths like this.

Fifteen minutes after Malcolm’s plugged the electric frypan in and turned it on I pointed out that no heat is happening – even the water from rinsing the pan hadn’t evaporated. Malcolm checked it, found the plug wasn’t all the way in then fixed it.

Seconds later steam starts rising off the dirty, sixty year old surface of the hotplate.

I went outside regularly to use my vaporizer, and that’s when I met the cat, which I didn’t pat because it probably has worms.

About an hour after we got there the eggs were finally done and although I simply reminded Malcolm when to put the toast on, toast is popped, eggs are done etcetera, I did put two extra pieces of toast on and just as they’ve popped and I’ve started buttering them, You rang, and twenty minutes later both pieces of toast were stone cold, so I didn’t bother with them x

Bella spent the entire visit in the same spot on the lounge looking depressed or whatever and Malcolm had another chance to try and convince us of his laudable conspiracy theories, which range from what idiots we all are for “believing” the earth is round when it’s really a flat plain that’s been built like a film set to fool us all into thinking the planet is really round.

I mean don’t I feel silly believing research and science over a conspiracy theory.


Not even half an hour of debating nonsensical rubbish with Malcolm, I go outside for more nicotine and open the back door to find this..

3:39 PM

Rex has finished his car-battery-charging drive around town and is in the library having issues with internet connectivity while some fat guy is coughing his guts up in the background.

Now Brian’s here too, taking about his superior method of incubation of ideas And how wonderful it is.


8:10 PM

The doctor rang about too hours ago to confirm my STD blood and urine tests: I am clean as a whistle and 100% disease free.

Of course I never thought the results would be positive, but went in again this afternoon to request a confirmation phone call from him just to be sure.

I told him they should give people a little letter or certificate or something, maybe stick a faded green βœ… in the background as a watermark, to show you’re clean.

He said ‘maybe, hah yes we probably should’, but I doubt we’ll be seeing little STD clean βœ… certificates any time soon πŸ™‚

Dinner tonight was an excellent burger with potatoes and vegetables xxxx

9:50 PM

It rained at 5:00 AM this morning and I simply covered my head and let the bag get spattered. I stay dry inside in light rain, but rolled the sleeping-bag up wet so of course it was wet when I unrolled it.

I’ve been back a while now and although my sleeping-bag was still slightly damp, it was warm seconds after I got in it.

Oh that’s meeean deleting that without even a reason. I was about to add the woman I love too.


Got my own personal one-woman censorship authority now folks, that’ll be fun ? .. and still, the camel dick dinner line remains.. ?

4,500 words just a few days into the post.

Day 7 – Tuesday, 7 August 2018

I’ve got my sleeping-bag with me for today because, I don’t know why not, though I’ll have to remember not to forget it and leave it somewhere.

8:15 AM

It’s snowing. Like properly.

Today I’ve gotta play the piano out of obligation to wind Old-Bronwyn up since she’s already about too have a meltdown and it’s the only piano I’ve got so she pop her grape all she likes.

Like that? Pop her grape: I just made that up πŸ™‚

She’ll lose every time because she’s the bad guy and they always do πŸ™‚

I am a force of good, and benevolence will always shit on malevolence because the former is right – the latter wrong.

I am right.

11:26 AM

So I’ve been to Brian’s to tackle those buttons on the spray can nozzle and am back at the church.

On the way back in I walked down the driveway with a smoke and Old-Bronwyn’s blurted ‘Carrncha read thugh sign? Probably not hah!’

I just smirked as I walked past Junction 142’s most unpopular woman πŸ™‚

Just like last week I’ve opened the lid on the baby grand, which instantly doubles the suckers volume.

Shortly before we all locked-up and left, Pam’s stepped out of the kitchen and was about to go in the hall when Old-Bronwyn swung the hall door open and demanded Pam tell her where her food is: apparently Old-Bronwyn had asked Ahlei for some kind of herbs or vegetables, but Ahlei’d gone out to Woolies or somewhere for a bread-collection Or whatever so Old-Bronwyn was going on at Pam for a few moments before spitting- out, ‘Rosa’s probably got to her too!’.

‘I’m Sorry, got to who Dear?’, Pam asks.

‘Ahlei! Bet Rosa’s got to her because of THAT CREEP!!’

‘What? Who’s a creep?’, Pam asks.

‘JASON!’, Old-Bronwyn snaps back at her.

Pam filled me in on the bits I couldn’t quite make out, revealing that Bronwyn thinks there’s a conspiracy between Rosa and Ahlei, influenced by me, to prevent her from being able to take food from the food-bank, but the only malicious, fabricated shit being generated by anyone is being created by Old-Bronwyn herself.

And of course nobodies prevented her taking food, they just couldn’t find what she’d asked for.

Rosa, Ahlei, myself and the volunteers just view her as an annoying, mentally-ill fool πŸ™‚

Pam looked a bit rattled by the outburst, said she felt bad for me and was sorry I had to hear such ugliness.

“That’s totally unnecessary, Old-Bronwyn is *clearly* insane and no more than an amusing story to me, though I’m flattered she spends so much time thinking about me πŸ™‚

Maybe she’s secretly in-love with me :)”

‘Yes but still.. she was really nasty about you. Horrible and vitriolic.’

“Don’t let her get to you Pam! She *wants* to see you as stressed-out as her: don’t take her mental illness on-board – she’s just a nutcase.”

In the middle of all the usual Tuesday drama Ahlei came into the church, walked over to the piano and handed a package to me. From my mother πŸ™‚

A beanie she’s knitted: she reads the site too, and evidently discovered that principles and love had forced me back to being homeless in a sleeping-bag outside.

Thanks Mum! πŸ™‚ ?

5:17 PM

Rex and I have decided to go eat out in Leura. Why not right?

Rex found out he gets free rego as a senior so he saved himself about $350 and wanted to eat out to celebrate since he’s loaded now πŸ™‚

We deliberated a while before deciding on the Chinese place in the main street and the food was as good as any Chinese. The only coffee they had however, was instant and at $3/cup I told Rex not too waste good money on that, then went out while our order was being cooked to buy two coffees from one of the cafes, only to find every cafe in Leura already closed – at 5:30 PM!

Fuckin outrage that is.

I returned to the restaurant, returned to my seat opposite Rex and told him there’s no coffee and that we’ll get one afterwards. Shortly after that our meals were brought out and we ate and talked about all kinds of general stuff.

Here’s my combination fried duck and lemon..

And Rex ordered a chicken dish..

I also ordered a fried rice which was just a mountain of special fried rice on a plate and we both ended-up shoveling that on our plates before we finished up and left for coffee.

The food was good, but the actual restaurant overall was both empty and without atmosphere really, so I’m not going to rain praise down on the place: it was alright, but not as good as the Chinese restaurants we have here in Katoomba – mostly due to that lack of atmosphere.

I’d rate Leura Chinese Restaurant a 6/10.

Having said that, there was plenty of food and we both left stuffed like pigs before driving back to Katoomba to find a coffee shop that was open.

Back in town – and driving from the top of the street down – all we saw was closed cafes all the way down until I saw one open and pointed that out, then I realized the Yellow Deli’s open later.

Anyway I suggested we go there and Rex agreed, so that’s where we finally got our decent coffee.

Soon as we’ve walked in the door the staff have recognised my fellow homeless mate and several came over to ask how he was going, what’s up, all that and he’s told them what he’s been up to. They all had a little catch-up before we ordered the hot drinks we’d been waiting for and we sat I front of the fire and had them.

Rex talked about his advocation of living in a car, and more about his goal of getting himself a caravan and living the mobile life in that, ‘grey nomad’ would be the socially coined term I believe, and I’d already previously considered the lifestyle and told him that although I don’t have any desire to live in a caravan myself, nor travel around in it, I can see the appeal and if I ever *did* want to do something like that I’d probably dump all my money into the largest, highest quality “shell” so I start with the most floor-space I can get, then fit it out with amenities and furniture myself afterwards: I’d start with nothing but an open space and mattress on the floor, but I’d be able to design my internal living area so it wasn’t packed with unnecessary shit taking up room.

Anyway he’s saving for his caravan while window-shopping caravans online: I see his laptop screen full of caravan ads often at the library so yes, he’s getting prepped and amped for his nomadic retirement years πŸ™‚

I’d be excited too if I was planning a mobile home to go off and adventure, though currently, at 44 I value security more than adventure, so I’ll be going nowhere.

Even without a home, the town itself and the people I know have become my security. I’ve always been like that come to think of it.

Day 8 – Wednesday, 8 August 2018

Here’s what I learnt in class today πŸ™‚

The usual suspects were at the course today, but barely half an hour in I’d already realized this is horseshit: this teacher had simply tossed a few generic topics together and all she’s done so far is talk about how hot stoves can burn and sharp knives can cut you. I complained to Toni about it and she agreed we already knew everything she was saying because it’s all just fuckin’  common sense.

By the second hour I was convinced: two hours of recapping that hazardous things can be hazardous and never-ending examples that have nothing to do with anything we do and I leaned over and told Ahlei, “I dunno about this ‘course’ Ahlei, I’ll pull out if it continues like this. It’s just all generic shit and all she’s doing is wasting our time talking our day away.”

Ahlei told me there were more interesting lessons that’ll start next week.

For dinner tonight I went to the woman I love and child, although I hadn’t planned to stay for dinner because I wanted to leave early enough to catch up on this, I hardly needed persuading πŸ™‚

The best quiche I’ve ever eaten, it had both fetta inside and a layer of tasty baked over the top which gave it more body and saltiness than other ones I’ve had.

Beautiful woman, beautiful meal ❀

Child was a bit sooky tonight, but that’s fine, she was tired. Xox

Night Lurkers πŸ™‚

Day 9 – Thursday, 9 August 2018

9:00 AM

This morning I’ll be putting my clothes in the dryer because I forgot yesterday, and having a shower once they’re ready.

1:20 PM

~3:00 PM

Cutest Staffy bitch ever..

10:29 PM

I’ll have to update tomorrow: it’s too late now.

I came to a compromise and made my peace with the cleaner at Coles by agreeing I’d no longer smoke in the toilets there if he’d shuddup about me using them.

Actually there’s time to at least throw the photos up until I write it tomorrow, so I’ll do that before bed.


I need you like air ❀

Carry, on πŸ™‚ xo

Day 10 – Friday, 10 August 2018

7:48 AM

Eggs and toast breakfast soon, with Rex and Malcolm amongst the usual assortment of regulars, the regulars aren’t all regulars at Rosa’s church though most show-up for free meals of any kind.

Malcolm’s started ranting to Rex about hippie dribble. Chickenwing looks very interested in how sick the world is.

Rex and I got the first two plates πŸ™‚

Rex also got all the slop around the edge of the toast off my plate – bacon, tomatoes, sausage – because he doesn’t mind his toast getting soggy and I do, so I just scraped it all off onto his plate.

Now’s some salvos dood is doing a bible prayer… sigh.

NOW some old woman’s going on about some Jenny the witch. Crazy-Malcolm asks Crazy-Old-Woman if Jenny the witch is from the ‘flickers’ Crazy-Old-Woman insists Jenny the witch is a real person, but doesn’t know where she’s from *yawn* …

Speaking of meals, though several tiers above any free charity cook-up, *…

11:55 AM

I’m in the church lying on the altar when the church accountant walks in with someone. They’re talking about the pipe organ now.

Turns out some ‘pipe-organ society’ is offering to donate the $450/month to have the dreadful eye-sore serviced.

She’s seen me holding the phone out taking a photo and asked if it was an interesting ceiling, I told her not particularly – I’m just updating my site.

Hideous instrument.

Maria is very excited today she told me, because she’s going to resume weaving lessons and brought in some of the bags she’s made which look pretty good to me..


4:48 PM

I’m very tired today, not because it was so cold I couldn’t sleep but because it was mild enough to stay awake and I did that until about 2:00 AM this morning.

10:10 PM

I’m just about to go to sleep when it occurred to me that I can sleep-in until like, 8:00 AM and so I’ll add one more thing before I go.

A few days ago I had an ideological spat at vegetarians and She pointed out that I happily eat any vegetarian meals on offer, so I removed it.

You know I love you beyond words, and I’m sorry I antagonized you, given that I know that you know the nutritional breakdown of every meal you cook and I know that any food you prepare will be 100% good for me and cover all of my nutritional requirements. Like having my own personal dietician πŸ™‚ ❀

Sleep well, Beautiful πŸ˜‰

Day 11 – Saturday, 11 August 2018

I’m at the op-shop now and looking for guinea pig related garments and fluffy things, and have just gone out and had a photo shoot with a large teddy bear..

I’ve also reclaimed this stonewear cup and lid I’d given to Mandy, who apparently ‘donated’ it to the op-shop so I’ll take this back: Old-Brian gave it to me when I cleaned his flat so it holds sentimental value and is small, so why get rid of it.

Very minor sentimental value.

I want music but only one side of my earphones are working.

1:34 PM

There’s still no hominy bakery delivery, and I’m out back in the sun because the few people in the hall are irritating me. Irritating me because I want to write about you but cannot concentrate with Rex flicking through ads for trailers and some homeless woman doing the ‘I’m so grateful to you guys/tough life’ story: I don’t wanna hear that bullshit go have you’re sad-story moment somewhere else – I can’t stand self-pity.

The giant teddy got boring long ago, and was discarded like common rubbish πŸ™‚

4:28 PM

I’m about to go over and drop-off my meagre offering of hard Woolies bread, opposed to the hard hominy bakery bread that didn’t get delivered and my left contact lens was starting to irritate my eye, so I pulled it out and tossed it. I the garden outside the Carrington.

My eye is twice as sore now but that’ll sort itself out soon enough. Feels like a bit of sand is stuck under my eye lid and won’t move.

I’m almost there I just wanted to finish updating, though I need more time than I’ve got just having a smoke before I get there to be able to write any amount Xox

Toni was the only volunteer at the church today and only dropped-in for a few minutes: even Leerah wasn’t there, so it was just Rebecca, Rex I and Rex took off with that sad-story woman to help her before coming back.

5:57 PM

The soup tonight is potato & leek and the kitchen smells fucking awesome.

Dinner this evening was a delight ❀

Potato & Leek soup with some kind of fresh herbs, plus garlic and spring onion I believe, garnished with grated parmesan cheese (we’d run out of cream because I ate it all with desserts) and parsley. The bread was meant to be hominys, but hmm maybe tomorrow. Still the Woolies garlic & olive oil sourdough loaf was good, if not a little more bland then the hominys bread last Saturday when we had the purple cabbage soup.

Bread assessment aside, your soup was perfect ❀

Day 12 – Sunday, 12 August 2018

The last coffee bag I’ve got on me so it’s instant from here on out.

The typical assortment of Sunday urchins are here, all clambering for the best spot in the line, the best sausage, the best compost-grade vegetables and half stale bread from Aldi, Coles and Woolies.

Since the Bakehouse on Wentworth bread only came in this morning that won’t go out until tuesday: they’ve gotta clear the older bread first so that’s the bread on offer for the unfortunates today.

Jingles said she had something for me as soon as she got out her van, then went and got me a black backpack with green bits and said she didn’t know if I’d be able to use it, but much like Old-Brians stonewear bowl and lid the bag has minor sentimental value regardless whether I use it or not πŸ™‚

Lunch has been served, and I had a chicken snitzel before they went out that was just awful: I dunno who donated them but they were clearly frozen to start with and kept warm for a full day before coming here.

Pam has made an apple pie type pastry for dessert I should actually be in. The kitchen waiting for it to get my slice before it’s been taken out and coughed all over, but it’s too noisy to write in there so I’m in the church sitting at the piano, just not playing.

Best go get some πŸ™‚

Apple and Rubard slice with ice-cream πŸ™‚

3:13 PM

Lunch is done and finished and I’ve got the backpack Jingles gave me full of Bakehouse bread, plus a plastic bag with bananas and silverbeet and two large tubs of strawberries since they’re fresh today compared to the mangled crap we normally get.

Half way through the lunch Maria’s asked if I’ve got a spare paper, which I gave her. She’s given me Ahlei’s tobacco and we’ve both rolled a smoke and started smoking when that old pervert Neville has stepped outside and seen us there.

He’s said nothing but looked at us both, then the sign like, then slowly lifted his hand like some retarded mime to remind us we’re not meant to smoke there when I’ve beat him to it, “Fuck off” and he did: raised his eyebrows then turned around and went back inside.

Toni gave me that coffee before we left the church. Moccona πŸ™‚

Tom’s just asked me to help fix some problem with the TAFE website so he can register his student ID, but I told him no: the library shuts in 30 minutes I don’t have time to register his account for him and if it’s a library computer or network error I won’t be able to rectify it anyway, while outside the library these two pigeons are disappointed I’ve got nothing for them.

Poor chookychooks πŸ™‚

I had dinner tonight again at Her place, and played a few games of hide and seek outside with the child before it got dark, then settling on a few games of Guess Who while we waited for dinner.

I almost took a photo of the meal like always, but She stopped me: “Don’t you dare take a photo of that! Don’t put that up!”, I did not take the photo πŸ™‚

Evidently, beans and eggs on toast are not worthy of a site photo as far as She’s concerned, but it was lovely and looked fine to me: served in two peices of thick pide bread – one had the fried eggs on it, the other the baked beans ?❀

Oh wait, I did take a photo of last night’s dinner after all, and there’s nothing wrong with a plate full of awesome like this πŸ™‚

I don’t want to bust open any other eggs but yours πŸ™‚ Xox

Day 13 – Monday, 13 August 2018

Alright, so having spent what felt like an hour waiting at that shitty kiosk at Coles – half an hour of which was spent waiting for some old woman to fumble and claw her way through the entire contents of her purse for a voucher that’ll probably save her 0.10c, I’m at the library writing this, though I dunno how much I’m gunna get done with Rex here: he’s got this annoying habit of intermittently talking about nothing in particular – small talk – and every few moments turns to talk to me, every time I look up at something he’s ready for a little dialog like he cannot just sit there two minutes without wanting some pointless pleasantry and I cannot concentrate.

Now you are telling me I’m slow to reply to texts, though you’re interruptions are always welcome ❀

Yeah no, see Rex isn’t writing or creating, just flicking through trailer ads so he has no more use for focus than a child looking through a toy catalogue, while I need more than the minimal attention required to look at ads online.

Don’t get me wrong Rex is awesome, I just have little tolerance for snippets of chat here and there: I’m either talking or I’m not, and if I’m not it’s because I’ve already said all I need to for now.

Prior to coming up to the library this morning I went and had eggs & toast at the free breakfast.

Prior to that I had $1.20 to my name and was waiting for the tobacconist to open because the supermarkets don’t sell single boxes of matches so there’s no kind of flame you can purchase for under $1.50 – the price for the smallest BIC lighter they have.

I lost three lighters yesterday, to a hole in the pocket I’ve instinctively put my lighter in for years, so every time I’d put the fucker back I’d have to either remember and catch myself before I did it or pick my lighter up off the ground. First I lost the yellow lighter in the morning, then bought a small black one which slipped out the hole without my hearing, then last night when I went to Beautifuls’, I grabbed a large BIC lighter of hers which fell out the hole on the walk back to my sleeping-bag.

By the time I’d got to Coles at 9:00 PM and realized the third one had been lost and I had no flame or money to buy one I got shitty with that peice of shit pocket, tore it off and flicked it to the floor.

Least I can’t put things in it now.

The fill-in cleaner there gave me a light and I ended up coming back and telling him I needed that box of matches he has and he told me to wait there while he gets them for me.

Which I did.

I’m still at the library but went and sat in the sofas: they’re more comfortable than the table, and having told me an hour ago that he got my email account banned from ebay because I let him use it to register his account like 4 days ago I’m done helping him with shit like that and he’s currently trying to set-up a new sim card so good luck with that.

You, Woman: I love you ❀

1:53 PM

Brian’s just caught up with me and wants to know when I’d be available to put his microwave back in the cabinet and plug it back in so he can use it again πŸ™‚

I told him tomorrow’s fine, and even set an alarm for 9:00 AM to remind me of the 10:00 AM meeting at the Cecil.

Well I couldn’t put it back last week because we both had to evacuate once the flea-bombs were snapped-on, so I should go back and do it.

He’s also added that he has a bookcase too big to fit in the lift that he’d like carried up the stairs and I told him I might’s well while I’m there.

These two old guys are huddled whispering about the magic healing abilities of bi-carb soda: just a bit in some water and you’ll never die. They actually look like they believe this rubbish and is not the first time I’ve heard talk of crap like this: Malcolm is the other preacher of this kind of nonsensical shit along with the golden secret that drinking your own urine will cure you of all known illness. Malcolm says he goes three weeks straight on the stuff and I wondered whether they’re already tried the urine diet. Blugh.

Can’t believe anyone’s dumb enough you drink body waste, let alone think it’ll cure anything.

Stupid hippies.

2:07 PM

Brian still hasn’t left the library, and as I type his mangled form is lurking around the reception desk telling one of the librarians how she can do her job better. More efficiently πŸ™‚

And I have filled the bottle of DIY banana, pie crust, digestives, brown sugar and vanilla and cannot add any further flavor until I’ve vaporized some away..

Terribly boring I know, but it takes a few weeks for the flavour molecules to bond with the glycerin molecules, and until then you don’t get the flavours come through in any juice you mix.

Hence my mixing the whole bottle full and I’ve got coffee, milk and brown sugar in my tank while I wait for the banana, biscuit and milk to steep a while. I have no idea the nicotine % anymore, but it tastes like the 6% commercial liquids I have and has the same amount of tingle under your tongue.

Consistency of flavour is for other people: a squirt of this and a few squirts of that are fine far as I’m concerned.

4:23 PM

With only half an hour until the library shuts, Brian is back having already told me there’re two bookcases to move instead of one – *…

6:44 PM

Dinner is done and was lovey: I’m growing used to vegetables, with tonight’s dish a lovely mix of cauliflower, broccoli and walnuts fried in olive oil with garlic and balsamic vinegar then garnished with parmesan cheese ❀

Day 14 – Tuesday, 14 August 2018

You know, I was thinking about Rex yesterday and his pleasantries annoying me, when I realized it’s the same with everyone: much as I might like a given person, there’s always this internal mechanism that switches me off when I’ve had enough and once I’ve switched off there’s little room for acting polite.

Rex is the most recent example, but it’s happened to others too and I’ve just seen Old Richard going through garbage bins one after another on the main street over the road outside Chapman real estate.

Bit of early morning shopping πŸ™‚

Yes I always hit a wall that tells me I’ve had enough of that person, they’re simply repeating themselves or they’ve only got one mode of operation and I’m bored with them.

Doesn’t mean I don’t like the person and I’ll return to engaging them here and there, but I know they’ll be the same person doing the same thing and talking about the same shit, so there’s no need to talk further to these people.

You are the only person I’ve met who can do the same thing every day of her life and still take my breath away every day of mine –  you don’t even need to try?

And you are the reason I’m writing this month after month: with no house, land, money or kids to leave you when I – inevitably – die, the only thing I can leave you are memories so I try to get a many down as possible.

She disagrees with the above paragraph, but pft to that x

11:52 AM

Okay so when Brian told me yesterday he had two bookcases that wouldn’t fit in the lift, what he really meant was that he’d paid for two bookcases at the Salvos and they were still in the salvos op-shop.

He failed to mention that to either Rex or myself yesterday in the library when he said he fucking had two bookcases he needed carried up the stairs because they won’t fit in the lift.

Not only did he want Rex and I to carry them up to his unit at the Cecil, we had to walk them uphill to his place on a furniture trolley with occy straps.

I told him the second he’d told me about this plan “You’re off your head Brian – you are trippen. There’s no way we’re doing that we need Rosa’s van at least what made you think that rolling two bookcases right up here from the bottom of town on trolleys would be a good way of doing it?”

“Don’t they deliver? Did you ask??”

He told me that ‘hadn’t occurred’ to him.

You’re fucking shittin’ me old man.

“*You* get them to deliver it Brian then I’ll come move them up the stairs. Of course I won’t need too since they’ll take it upstairs too. Anyhow there’s no way I’m walking down to get two bookcases on foot before you were too mental to even ask about having them deliver it.”

Yes sweetheart, you are right: I should’ve just said bye and returned to annoying Old-Bronwyn with my full volume, open-lidded piano practice when Rex says he needed some exercise today anyway and would go and get his blue trolley from his car and help.

Faarrrk! Fuck you Rex.


Before we could start pushing them at all though, we had about a half hour wait while Brian made measurements of the straps and weighed-up every possible pro and con of using one strap compared to two, so it took about 40 minutes to get mine to the top of the Salvos driveway and I didn’t wait for Rex or Brian: at that point I was already annoyed with how long it was all taking, having just told Brian, “Less talk, more walk come on!” I wheeled my bookcase over the road to the Woolies car-park and started heading up towards the top of town.

I didn’t take any photos inside, because this want the social outing of the week for me and I wanted it finished while Brian would’ve been happy to stop and analyze every little bump or dip in the ground to figure out the best way to tackle each.

Evidently, mister efficiency doesn’t apply his own advice to himself and said earlier that asking the Salvation Army op-shop if they deliver, well that didn’t occur to the town genius at all – he reckons.

I asked the moment I got there and they said it’s $25 delivered to your home.

That cheap old fuckhead!

Wanting me to drag furniture all the way from the bottom of town to the top on foot like a dickhead just to save himself a pissy few dollars.

Right then.

The moment we’d finished with his bookcases and just before taking this photo in which Rex can be seen emptying the old man’s vacumn cleaner for him, I told Brian, “That’ll be twenty-five bucks Brian” – the cost of delivery.

Brian checked to see whether Rex wanted money too, but he said he didn’t and Brian certainly didn’t push the offer.

$21 was all he had on him so I told him whatever little money he had would be fine, but don’t think I’ve forgotten that $4.

Shifty old fucker.

I told Rex he should ask to be paid too to at least deter Brian from misleading either of us again next time he wanted a bookcase or fridge moved like that so he’ll be more inclined to go with normal delivery methods, but Rex refused.

I did not: took about an hour to do something that could’ve been done more efficiently by someone with a vehicle, and he mislead me the day before to get me to agree to helping him.

4:23 PM

I’m at the library and I’ve just been out on the steps having a smoke when Tom walks up the street towards the steps and of course the first thing he did was ask for a smoke.

Tom used to work at the Ritz when I was there cleaning and seemed alright at the time, but there’s two things he’s always done in the time I’ve been homeless that annoyed me to begin with, and now just fuck me off.

Firstly he’s nearly always out of smokes and asks for either a smoke or tobacco, and at first I didn’t mind, but months have rolled on and the fucker still can’t seem to manage to supply his own smokes and this is a 60 year old man who portrays himself as an honest hard- working battler, but time has revealed he’s just a battler, and it’s in his mentality.

That mentality is the second objection I have to the man: every time I see him he’s got a moan about how tough it is and how hard it is and the only reason the fucker’s depressed is because being miserable is easier because it gives him an excuse to drag his skinny arse around moping non-stop.

Bullshit is all it is and I’m sick of the fucker asking me for smokes: if they were important enough for him to ask me every time he sees me, then they’re important enough for him to prioritize his money so he has them.

Simple as that.

Rex’s feet fucking stink.

I mean even with his shoes on I can smell them from the end of the table and he’s three chairs away. Makes me feel sick breathing the air.

Anyway when Tom asks I am and I tell him, “Great. Nice and warm without the wind.” he looks as though I must be kidding, but I’m not πŸ™‚


8:22 PM

Okay don’t talk to me then ❀

Night πŸ™‚

Scratch that: she is taking to me and was busy doing end-of-day mum stuff – she is an excellent mother πŸ™‚ ❀

Excellent everything x

This week I’ve gotta find some puffy gloves that’re warm in the op-shop: even with winter nearly over, my hands are being damaged by the cold and I like my hands and fingers and wish to prevent that continuing.

It’s not a bad night actually, relatively. My fingers are still cold, but there’s only a slight breeze on and off this evening so I’m quite comfortable.

Yes, The hominy sourdough had more flavor than the wks Woolworths sourdough, and I was thinking I want to try the Coles 30 hour sourdough and the German bakery bread ad toast before the loaves go – one slice of each πŸ™‚

That’s the only way to really judge bread that’s already half hard when you buy it fresh. Sourdough makes good soup bread and good toast if nothing else πŸ™‚

Anyhoo, night everyone.

Day 15 – Wednesday, 15 August 2018

I’ve just found a power outlet downstairs in the lower basement level that’s better than the parents change room because B2 is empty at this time of day. Not only can smoke here, I can leave my phone and still keep an eye on it from the other side of the carpark: there’s no walls to impede my view.

Course day again today, and after the near mutiny last week over how pointless the content is, I expect more group activities this week. Class goes right through until 2:30 PM this week so I don’t how she thinks she’s gunna get us all to sit still that long.

Like last week, that sniveling, twitchy arse licker from the markets is here, but this week she’s made sure she sat next to Ahlei so she could do what she seems to do best: be Ahlei and Rosa’s bestest bestie ever – summers coming up and the markets will start getting busy after all and marketers are beginning to bicker over their table location, fees, whatever and Jamie – the ill appointed super-gay prince of the church markets – didn’t attend today because he doesn’t do food handling he said.

Said it through Mel of course and god I’d be sick in my mouth if I knew how much she licks his arse.

The only marketer who doesn’t behave like a slavering dog is Leone: every other one of them are bottom-feeders who’ll squabble and groan like children about who’s got permanent spots reserved and who hasn’t, who’s tables are where and god forbid anyone should give anyone else their reserved table slot: even customers get to see them squealing like pigs about that.

All to sell tables full of overpriced garbage.

Try selling something worth selling instead of just emptying boxes of junk on a fold-up bench and wearing dumb fucking hats.

They’re just like leeches on a rock waiting for warm flesh to approach so they can attach themselves and suck what they can before they’re flicked off.

Scum of the earth – that’s the church markets for ya.

2:18 PM

Almost five hours today repeatedly informing us how important it is to wash your hands prior to preparing food. I stopped listening to the repetitious classroom filler by 10:30 AM and did this instead..

I just managed to scribble the shading in on the second back leg before class ended too πŸ™‚

Seriously though, the course is minimum actual content padded-out with maximum fluff and only a few of us are questioning the fact.

Now for Betty’s tables.

4:56 PM

Tom’s just stopped on the way past and offered me a very small amount of tobacco. I told him nah that’s fine thanks, I’ll get some more later.

7:27 PM

No dinner at Beautifuls’ tonight: I got there too late, which means I get to have something meaty for dinner so that’s good enough compensation, I suppose.

The Asian woman who owns Cattlefish was pretty happy to see me, I suppose I was a regular there for a while but she said “You lose weight”, I told her probably, “I’ve got a vegetarian woman and most of her meals are light on fat. And no meat, so here I am.”

She saw me taking photos of my burger and picked the above dinner-pic as the best of the four I’d taken, so that’s the one I ended-up using.

“Wachu want?”

“A burger. No chips though – just the burger.”

“Biff brugah.”

“Yes, a Beef burger :)”

“Yoo need. Eat more.”

“Yeah probably.”

“Yoo need stop smoke.”

“Yeah I do, but I like it.”

“Ohkay biff burguh. Ready soon :)”

I was good resisting the chips: It’s only $2 more so you’re getting plenty of chips for the money but you inevitably eat a few chips while they’re hot and end up unable to get into the burger itself because the chips have stopped you feeling hungry.

So no chips and the burger was much better because of it πŸ™‚

The place was closing when I got there with half the chairs already upside down on the tables, so after finishing my food I’ve sprayed, wiped and put the chairs on my table up so she could mop and told her too have a good night before heading for Coles to get coffee and snacks to take back wth me for the night.

9:19 PM

Fuck it’s windy tonight.. cold wind .. all lonely in my sleeping-bag, sleeping alone πŸ˜‰

BUT, the inflatable mat you gave me is very good insulation: it holds the warmth anywhere I’m pressed against it ❀

Edit: I fell asleep,.. again.

Day 16 – Thursday, 16 August 2018

6:46 AM

Thursday today, and what a beautiful day it looks like being.

That lunatic Sandra has been sitting in a seat outside Coles with her bag-lady shit just looking like a homeless nobody for whole last hour I’ve been making my coffee, doing my hair, going up and down and in and out for smokes and a cone and still she just sits there looking like a complete waste of space.

No idea why people do that.

I suppose if you’re that old life’s nearly over and you’re fucking batshit crazy you aren’t really focused on what a loser everyone thinks you are.

Piano then Betty today πŸ™‚

I’ve just text Beautiful to tell her I’ll add a bit of body to two of the songs today because I’ve only learnt the chords and picked the melodies myself and haven’t expanded on that since.

Here’s Bella having herself a little moment in the Sun this morning. Since I’ve patted her since meeting the dog I’ve most likely got worms too now. Mm.

I’ve expanded on one of the songs, though it’s a bit of a handful to play, bit more notes = richer sound.

9:00 PM

Dinner tonight was this outstanding vegetarian spaghetti, with grated parmesan and buttered, thick sliced bakery bread, toasted πŸ™‚ ❀

Not only was the spaghetti exceptional and the toast a perfect side, we all got a bit of dinner table conversatio, which is usually discouraged because the child and I talk too much and she takes too long to finish her food πŸ™‚

Said child wanted a photo of this pasta taken for some reason, and it was easier to take the photo than not, and shortly after this her Mum had finished eating because she usually finishes first: like I get distracted talking for a few seconds and suddenly her plate is empty πŸ™‚

After dinner I had a conversation with the child about algebra for some reason, and I was genuinely impressed by how quickly she got the concept of substituting letters for numbers: I used animals – instead of a + b = c, hippo + lion = penguin.

Clever girl πŸ™‚

And Owl had it’s photo taken simply because they’re a cute line of fluffy toys. She has 7 different animals and is collecting them πŸ™‚

Thank you for dinner ❀

It was exellent, and healthier than a burger meal yet I felt perfectly well fed afterwards ?

Day 17 – Friday, 17 August 2018

7:59 AM

Alright, so the last few months I’ve averaged around 10,000 words per month.

This post is already at 11,156 words and we’re only half done, so it’ll be back to the 20,000 words I was doing before you vanished and abandoned me completely for eight months straight when I needed you ❀

Six months of which I tried texting and waiting before giving up hope ❀

Good morning Lurkers ?

We’re at the Salvos this morning for the eggs and toast I’ve grown accustomed to. Chicken Wing is sitting opposite me at the table and she’s asked me whether I’m local. I told her “No, dunno – about five years.”

That’s all she’s said but she’s not a big talker which suits me: I’ve got eggs to eat.

Chicken Wings name I’ve been told is Kate, and anyone who lives in Katoomba will have seen her hobbling up the street with her limp and deformed arm. She’s only in her late twenties to early thirties and has always had the same light brown, bob-cut hair and bulging eyes.

Nope wait she’s asked me to watch her coffee while she’s outside making a phone call.

Breakfast is over, back to the other church.

10:03 AM

Rosa, Ahlei and the committee are having a meeting in the church, so I cannot play the piano πŸ™

The committee are finally done, and I told Rosa it was about time: took over an hour and a half and Old-Bronwyn was one of the topics so I’d wager that’s where all the extra time went.

4:36 PM

Been to Coles and saw Toni there, plus had myself a little headfuck moment deciding whether to get the Bickfords coffee syrup which is 20% @ $5.60 or the Coles branded Caramel sugar syrup for $5 but approximately 30% more sugar than the coffee syrup.

I’ve just bought instant coffee this morning, I went with the caramel syrup and it’s not bad. Certainly vastly better than the pre-made iced coffees in the fridge there.

I also went back and got a bag of coconut sugar Toni wanted because she walked right past it on the sugar isle.

At the op-shop today Maria was stressed the entire day because of old Sandra just hanging around doing nothing but complain and bitch about her poor old-homeless-woman life.

Hideously ngative woman, that Old Sandra.

I had one of the regulars – Gemma – tell me her 40-something ex wants her to sell herself for his rent, and we hid her in the house a while before she took off still half pissed to go see her kids who were apparently in Blackheath.

Gemma is about 18.

I point that out simply to illustrate how fucked-up her situation is and as just one example of the kind of people who frequent the church.

5:09 PM

Nope no going ‘home’ for dinner tonight Toni πŸ™

Thankfully the owner if Cattlefish loved me enough to give me extra-full small chips, having told her I’m down to $10 and cannot afford a burger tonight.

6:44 PM

I’m back in my sleeping-bag and although I’m warm enough because I swapped the second green fleece jacket for the thicker black outer shell, my duck jackets’ zipper has failed. Not just failed, popped off the strip.

My hands are cold of course but they’re cold every night, and I didn’t look hard enough for padded gloves today evidently since I didn’t get any.

I bought two sets of chopsticks though πŸ™‚

$2/box with two pairs in each box along with these little wooden things to rest the chopsticks on. They’re all made of this beautiful dark hardwood.

Sorry: I’ve got my hands rolled-up in my sleeping-bag to keep warm, why I’m not writing anything at the moment ❀

Day 17 – Saturday, 18 August 2018


Gotta find gloves today, though Rebecca has the keys and always arrives late, so there’s no hurry and looking at the front of the church I see no market tables setup at all today: must’ve been more money at some other market so ‘fuck katoomba’ would’ve been their attitude.

Scum of the earth.

Gotta see my dog breeder today too.

My fingers are cold enough that two of the tips have gone white and lost feeling completely, though I have flawless reception – being right outside the Telstra exchange.

Nice and warm here in the Sun. I don’t even wanna go check the hall. I’ll do it after I’ve fed these pigeons.

Only signage that indicates anybody or any op-shop exists inside, our Rebecca likes to keep a low profile and I’ve no sooner stepped in the door and that old bitch has found something to whinge about.

The hag managed to sneak up on me hangin’ a piss – earlier, before the op-shop was open – and she’s has felt the compulsion to remind me there’s a toilet, so I told her “Whatever, go away.” but she just kept on so “SHUT UP.” did the trick.

Even now she’s sweeping the floor around customers feet asking them to move when the floor isn’t dirty. She’s an annoyance to everyone.

Right, gloves so I don’t lose fingers to frostbite or whatever.

11:17 AM

WOOHOO!! Serendipity fixes me up again πŸ™‚

Not only have I found gloves, I’ve found a pair of double insulated Thinsulate gloves with mitten flaps built in. They even came with two heat pads and the claim I will NEVER BE COLD AGAIN and I don’t know about the validity of that claim, but they look and feel pretty fuckin’ warm to me.

1:45 PM

Here’s the chopsticks I got yesterday, while I’ve got em.. two pairs, no wait, four.

Now I’m waiting like an idiot to find out whether I’m going over Hers or not: like I do on a night-by-night basis.

Actually, I’ll go back to my secret place instead, and eliminate the standing around in the cold: I know what I’m doing that way and can plan around that.

5:15 PM

So I suppose I cancelled dinner tonight, though, really, if you can take time to make arrangements with everyone else weeks and months in advance, you can let me know whether I’m coming there for dinner before everyone else already knows their dinner plans.

Anyway it’ll give me a chance to properly field test these gloves for warmth, so that’s good and I’ve locked in my own plans for the night I know I’ve got plenty of time to microwave my ham & cheese rolls, clean out my ear, meet my breeder and update this πŸ™‚

I’ll just hang under this dark staircase like a degenerate while I wait for the breeder who would’ve interrupted dinner anyway.

She clearly still doesn’t take me or us seriously and has ordered me to remove photos relating to her and her child and forbidden me writing about either, so we are done.

8:56 PM

Right. That’s sealed the deal.

Not only did you ugly my post up just to be petulant, I’ve had enough sneaky, deceitful bullshit to last me a lifetime and it just keeps coming.

If all you can do is delete photos and destroy nice memories then you have no place here on the site or with me.

Day 19 – Sunday, 19 August 2018

7:47 AM

8:35 AM

Today I get piano practice again once the half dozen parishioners have finished church and probably should eat today, though nothing once it’s gone into the hall and coughed all over by 60 generally unhealthy human beings so I’ll have to remember to take my plate before it goes out πŸ˜‰

9:41 AM

I’m at Scenic World out back in the kitchen with Jingles picking up the hot food, because there’s nobody else at the church to do it this week. There’s vegetable soup, some kind of curry and salad.


Here’s Rosa getting her happies on with a very cute glove Jingles knitted..

And here’s Joelles’ mountain of garlic bread ready to go. I told her kart weeks mountain would’ve been perfect but it was far too salty and she thanked me for the feedback, said she had a feeling there was something wrong with it because nobody seemed to be eating it but nobody said anything to her about it…

3:02 PM

So dinner tonight is looking like banana on one of the three hominy loafs, but being uncut I’ll have to just tear chunks off I guess. Butter and a knife are apparatus and ingredients I don’t have, though I’ve got two kinds of biscuits and chocolate, plus another four loaves of bread and 3 litres of milk as well, so I won’t run out of either.

I think Pam made these exceptionally good sausage rolls, made from just an actual sausage wrapped in pastry, and she gave me a sample, though that was I ate at lunch and didn’t even get to try the garlic bread.

Are we done? Told you if I cannot write honestly about you along with the rest of my life then you might’s well not exist within it.

Outside a hand carved snake bracelet hidden away in a drawer you make sure there’s no record of me in your life, then insist I keep no record of you in mine.

If you’re so insistent there’s no trace we ever knew one another then what’s the point in wasting mental energy on you?

Day 20 – Monday, 20 August 2018

8:18 AM

Here’s ya fuckin’ morning photo..

Felt like -15Β°C last night and you can all go fuck yourselves.

Go back to watching that revolving handmaids tale for your cheesy bored-housewife kicks: a common television show targeting an equally common demographic.

Either let me restore the post as it was before you went spastic and we continue as usual or seeya round: there was nothing inappropriate in this post before you shat on it – just good quality photos – and no reason to demand it be removed and if you’re going to be that ‘private’ you must remove yourself from here do the same off site.

Give me real love instead of this ultra-conditional sneaky bullshit if you want me to believe it at all.

I have to listen to bullshit from everyone else: I don’t want to hear it from you too ❀

Day 21 – Tuesday, 21 August 2018

6:39 AM

Everyone’s waiting on you, Honey. Can I fuckin’ restore the post or what?

No further daily events will be written about until you are back on board and you’ve already cost us two days and deprived readers content.

Protagonist and antagonist are perfect for one another, every good story needs both and you sure as fuck antagonize me no end.

So folks we’re just waiting for our antagonist to stop mashing the red button and give the fuckin’ green one a try.

Tick tick tick.

People tell me it’s good to have a partner than ‘challenges you’, but honestly does everything have to be a challenge?

She tells me yesterday how it’s not normal to write every little drama on a website: She, who trawls through my posts, re-reads what I’ve written ad-nauseum, has saved posts from two years ago that I deleted long ago and points out anytime I’ve changed my wording and she’s caught me doing it πŸ™‚

Yeah how weird am I huh πŸ™‚

9:09 AM

Sorry everyone: she’s still being a fun-sponge, and I don’t want to write one dimensionally.

We’ll just have to wait untill hunny bunny is back on board πŸ™‚

11:45 AM

Oh and I love you❣

3:08 PM

See I don’t even remember which photos go where now and even the meals are all gone simply because you wanted to act destructively on impulse.

You tell me I write nasty shit about people, then delete photos that were simply nice and leave all the “nasty” untouched.

I figured you of all people would understand the importance of my capturing the loving moments, given some of the ugly shit I’ve written to you right here in the past❣

You destroyed a loving memory that would’ve made you smile reading back on in a years time, five years time,..

See now I’m stuck on this and I shouldn’t even have to debate it with her, but I absolutely cherish this woman and if she loved me she’d want to be included, not fight me every step of the way ❣

You can fix it actually: you’re the one deleted them all in one hit and in anger.

And none of this is being deleted: we’ve got ourselves an epic romance unfolding between us that deserves to be recorded in all its colour and texture Xox

There’s not even a reason for you to have a problem: I haven’t crossed the line at any point and don’t intend to.

5:16 PM

No home-cooked-love for me again tonight, so it’s Coles for milk then off to Cattlefish..

Pam told me today when I’d more or less finished cutting my hair, “You know you really are amazing”.

“Huh? What do you mean Pam?”, I ask her.

“You seem to be exceptionally good at everything you do and just, you – you’re amazing.”

“I dunno I think I’ve taken more off than I wanted to..”, I started, then cut myself off when I realized all I had to say was, “Thank you Pam, you’re not so bad yourself”

Intelligence: the ultimate swiss army knife.

9:11 PM

Okay the stand-off has finally concluded and She is back on board – more or less ?

Writing may continue as usual tomorrow morning, loving memories have been restored and you’ll thank me for it one day and you know, I only want us to be happy together so shuddup about it ?

I’ve also restored admin to your account.

Goodnight my Tempest ❣❀❣

Day 22 – Wednesday, 22 August 2018

6:36 AM

The course again today… awesome.

I should buy some coloured pens actually.. done and sorted: light green, pink, purple and light blue and it’s BIC so of course it’ll work..

Brian stopped to talk to me yesterday afternoon in the library: told me he might need me again Sunday morning to set-off another flea bomb.

“In the meanwhile”, he’s continued, “a friend has suggested giving them the ‘cold air’ treatment”, so he’s leaving a window open to try and discomfort them to death.

“Are you kidding me Brian? Three insecticide bombs didn’t work but you think leaving your windows open will?”

“Oh, the friend knows a lot about ..”

“You’re delusional Brian.”

“Well, I’m not delusional, or as best I can tell at least, and it *may* work if I can..”

“It won’t work. Bugs would not be so prolific if they were wiped out by a stiff breeze. Basic common sense Brian.”

I’m beginning to wonder whether Brian’s not already slipped into dementia: like a nice warm bath, he’ll not know he’s ideas are ludicrous because he’s demented.

1:48 PM

Toni’s filling-in my test for me: freeing me to draw πŸ˜‰

9:06 PM

Goddamnit I forgot to take a photo of dinner.

Dinner tonight was with Her and Child, and consisted of an entree of microwaved frozen soup with a main of fresh salad and frozen pizza πŸ™‚

Oh plus a shower and shave and my skin is all spotty from the painfully blunt razor she’d used, but a bit of extra pain’s a fair price to pay to use a razor that’s been up and down her legs a half dozen times ❣

I know you’ll be glad I didn’t photograph it, but any family meal with you is awesome because it’s with you: the food is less critical than the company Xox

No dessert tonight, but I was stuffed to the point I’d started sweating by the end of the pizza, so that was fine with me πŸ™‚

Today at the church we have, ‘the course’, then Betty’s tables and chairs, then the food truck, then closed-up.

The big news today is we think that horrible old woman sandra has moved-on, though we’ll find that out tomorrow when she does or doesn’t show up.

Day 23 – Thursday, 23rd August 2018

I forgot to add the owl when I restored the other photos, so there he is. Both the brand new scissors and pen I got yesterday were extracted from me last night before leaving: apparently her scissors are blunt from cutting their own hair and the pen was the same pen one of the child’s friends at school has, and y’know once they both started on me about both, yes: bullied into handing them over before I left: bullied by two chicks πŸ™‚

Thursday again that’s a whole week just darted by.

Like I said last night we’re all hoping the universally despised Sandra has left for good because she’s really just a drain on everyone with her bitching and complaints about everything.

Brian will be in I predict, because I’m not expecting him and I’ve got a truck load of crates to scrutinize for food to take home to Beautiful.

My hands are very cold without the gloves on, though it wasn’t cold last night at all comparatively.

You know there’s this twitchy looking little fucker I see all over town lately. Salt and pepper hair, almost looks like a taller than average dwarf and he’s always looking like he’s having himself an anxiety attack.

I’m just sick of seeing him around the place, why I mention that.

5:04 PM

Not long after I arrived at the church this morning Rosa did, and not long after that she’s asked me if she could have a moment and suggested we go outside for a smoke – she’d like to ask me something.

Look out – Mum’s angry was my first, most obvious thought, though she didn’t appear annoyed, just a little flustered but she’s often distracted: Rosa has scores of people tugging at her all day every day so her focus is usually a bit scattered as standard.

We go outside and she lights-up one of those herbal cigarettes she and Ahlei have been getting into lately, and I have one of the White Ox’s Ahlei had given me because I was out of tobacco when I got there.

Joe is outside with us marching on the spot telling us repeatedly “Smoke.. Smoke.. Smoke..” like he does and Rosa starts *…

~12:00 PM

Toni and Ahlei were being clownish with this disabled whatever it is – chair I guess – when they said we should get a photo for the online store because they’re ebay’ing the chair along with a bunch of other stuff.

10:12 PM

Alrighty then.

I’ve been to my Womans’ for dinner and it just occurred to me: earlier, before we sat at the table and started eating, I was messing around with their digital piano when the child came and started playing the wrong chords only kinda in rhythm with me, so I asked her to stop doing that, when what I SHOULD have done was teach her the chords so she can play it with me.

So I’ll do that next time I’m there, I’ll show her, and I don’t mind playing the song until she gets it – it’s a simple song that has a sort of meditative effect on me, looping a single song like that repeatedly I mean.

Very calming.

She could play the melody on her violin all I mind too long as she’s playing the notes πŸ˜‰

It’s only four chords too! xo

Dinner was simple but good, with the little meat-substitute nuggets a pretty close match for chicken nuggets.

And dessert was this lovely home-baked chocolate cake with dollop cream and freshly cut strawberry ?❣

Thank you for dinner ❀❀❀

*feeding me healthy food, I mean: I love the fact you know everything about nutrition and how to make sure all requirements are met in you’re cooking ❣

Said this before too, but I love that I can trust her completely to plate up a meal that is good for me, and always flawlessly cooked ❣

There’s more to catch up on but I’m about out of time today.

Day 24 – Friday, 24th August 2018

We’re having eggs and toast for breakfast at the usual place, while the customer’s postponed until 8:45 AM.

By ‘We’, I mean me and whoever’s reading.

10:26 AM

Julia’s got an appointment or two with a few church-client nobodies, then we’re going to look at the place at about midday.

I’ve told her I’m willing to take the place sight unseen if for some reason there’s not enough time to actually look at it, though I can only see a natural disaster or sudden death in her family impeding on our viewing.


4:13 PM

You know I bought more coloured pens and I’ve been waiting to get to try em out, but now there’s only 45 minutes until the library shuts and that’s not enough time to draw anything, but I’ll have hours at the church tomorrow with little to do until pack-up, so I’ll do something then.

For now, I’ll content myself with scribbling πŸ™‚

~8:00 PM


Day 25 – Saturday, 25th August 2018

11:15 AM

The hominy bakery delivery is here and it’s almost a soft as white bread it’s so fresh today. I had two pieces of toast before the margarine started getting too bland. Wish they’d buy real butter here instead of all the yellow grease.

Anyway the keymaster has been and unlocked the other half of the premises for me so it’s piano practice this morning, and we’ve checked and seen the church has been packed up from last night’s circus of a band: I watched them unload yesterday afternoon and in a van full of gear there wasn’t one a actual instrument – just speakers, amplifiers and computers.

Anyhoo, practice to do now I’ve got the whole place to myself again.

9:34 PM

Day 26 – Sunday, 26th August 2018

8:00 PM

I stayed at Hers last night and got no sleep because I got woken every time I started snoring.

I did eat one thing while I was at the church today: some homemade banana ice- cream.

It was more ice than cream and not very good, despite the compliments being pinged back and forth across the room.

Night ❣

Day 27 – Monday, 27th August 2018

Before I begin and to put today’s shit in context, I want to mention that it’s now been just over a month and Her and I have sent one another over 4,650 texts in just the last couple of weeks. I know this because I wiped every message the last time we ‘broke up’.

She is the woman I love, though I have no idea why I still do sometimes.

With all the little demeaning, belittling things she’s said and done over the years, I’d be too embarrassed to admit some of the mistreatment I’ve put up with from her, yet still my ears prick-up when I hear her voice, I cannot lay eyes on her without wanting to feel her against me and nothing smells better to me than her perfume coming off her skin.

Friday I met Julia – the local department outreach officer – at the church to view a two bedroom unit they’d offered me. I’d already told Julia for the last eight months that I do not want to live in a housing commission estate, but coerced by the woman I said I’d go and look at it, though I had little intention of accepting the offer, because I do not want to live anywhere I’m boxed-in by housos.

People with no aspiration to do anything but watch TV, piss-up and argue with one another: public housing is a place people end-up and I’ve never known anyone who’s got out of that environment once they were put in it.


Day 28 – Tuesday, 28th August 2018

I’m at the church screaming about my ears not working.

Feel like a defenseless fucking cripple.

Without hearing anyone could walk up behind me and cut my throat and I’d never know they were even there.

I went to Her place last night for a quick soup dinner and afterwards – while in the bathroom gently cleaning her child’s ears she’s told me to sit on the edge of the bathtub so she could clean mine, since she knows one ear is completely blocked from both wax and dust blowing in my ears all night for 7 months.

Sweetheart did this by first stabbing each eardrum about 50 times and twisting, which did remove some wax while forcing the rest much deeper in to my ear canal, then she did it a dozen or so more times with baby oil drops on the cotton sticks, then filled each ear with baby oil, drain, then filled each ear with glycerine and drained before washing the cocktail of oil and glycerine out with water.

That was last night and I still cannot hear anything more than about 5% out my previously good ear and nothing but my own heartbeat with my right ear.

Yes that’s practically all of my hearing gone since last night when she cleaned them out. I almost stepped in front of two cars last night just walking back from her place and I haven’t been able to participate in any conversation since without asking people to shout it at me.

I was pretty shitty last night oo find myself near-on completely deaf all of a sudden and even now feel like I’ve got no awareness of my surroundings without being able to hear anything but loud noises as any more than a muffled murmur.

I’ve just got off the phone to her, and she wants me to add that my ears were half fucked before she cleaned them, though only one was non functional and only blocked until last night. Now I’ve got no idea – no air can get in so with the moisture plus whatever bacteria is in there they either get properly cleaned quickly or they’ll get infected on top of everything else.

Cannot thank you enough for cleaning my ears, hunny-bunny πŸ™‚

The only benefit is that Volunteer-Cathy’s screeching voice has been muted down to a tolerable squeak, but really I’m not in the mood to crack jokes: I get one pair of ears and I need them.

Wanna pray there’s no permanent damage Babe: I told you last night you were stabbing it in way to hard and it was hurting, but you kept going.

Anyway I’m at the library waiting until 3:00 PM to go get the keys for the houso compound I’m expected to live in, while She’s putting together a “care package” with essentials like soap and coffee etcetera for me to take to the houso estate I don’t want to live at.

Gotta get the keys soon actually, and I’ll stop at the doctors while I’m there because you’re thought of being almost completely deaf at 44 scares the fuck out of me.

Can’t apply for a job without saying I’ve got little to no hearing which is a fuckin big a health and safety problem, can’t talk to people normally, can’t even hear the voice of the woman who stabbed my ears to death, can’t drive without fucking hearing aids, can’t do fuck all if you cannot hear.

Who the fuck wouldn’t be panicking about that.

7:11 PM

I was wrong. She came through ❀

I’m still organizing shit and haven’t had a shower yet, but I can sleep-in as long as I like in the morning and can stay up late to finish this.


Here’s tonight’s dinner – care package chicken noodles πŸ™‚

10:09 PM

I’m late updating because – as I told Her – I’ve been dettol spraying handles on cupboards and doors, benches and sink and light/power switches so I’m 99.9% sure they’re sanitized.

All day I’ve been annoyed about my diminished hearing and a bit pissy at Her for doing it, then this afternoon she sends me a photo of four cloth shopping bags filling up the boot and though it looked like a nice gesture I had no idea what she’d put in sunny if the bags really.

Turned out she’d put a lot of thought into what went in the bags because everything I would need to instantly start using the flat was in some those for bags: from razor and refills plus shaving cream to salt, pepper, cooking oil, a new frypan and saucepan, as well as clothes and scourers, dishwashing liquid and pump hand soap.

And of course coffee, sugar and UHT milk plus one of her mugs, toilet paper and paper towels, there’s more too.

Everything *I* would personally want was in your care package πŸ™‚ ❣

And there’s me, shitty all day at you, while you’re busy hand-picking all those things for me πŸ™‚ ❣

Exceptional woman ❀


Day 29 – Wednesday, 29th August 2018

9:11 AM

Sorry I’m late updating this morning, and probably will be for a few days because I’ll be making full use of the novelty of sleeping past 5:30 AM and no longer need to pack up bedding in the -1Β°C icy night air before finding myself with two hours to kill in the carpark under Coles.

Good morning everyone πŸ™‚

I’ve got the TAFE course again today too so I’m busy getting ready to go.

Good to have cupboards .. all of these vaporizer bottles have been in my backpack for months..

10:21 AM

Good thing I cannot hear: save me listening to aboriginal recognition bullshit all day today – somehow yarramundi has become a subject in the course.

I have absolutely no interest in being brainwashed by this ultra-left sympathetic propaganda – I have a mind of my own.

Now this tutor’s got a guitar out playing us a campfire song, what the fuck ‘s this got to do with the day-to-day funtioning of a food bank!

Maybe try a few days of standard psychology so volunteers get a general idea of the spectrum of dysfunctional people who walk in here, opposed to the same tiresome first Australian sob story.

Nobodies stopping Australia’s indigenous inhabitants walking back out into the bush and living off grubs and berries: until they start living the life they’re always complaining about missing-out on just pft – spare us listening to another sob story about aboriginal culture.

This shouldn’t be a subject in any educational system until it’s balanced and it’s never been balanced, just a bleeding-heart guilt trip. Spend equal time telling us of the convicts who were bashed, whipped, hung, whose wives were raped or kids taken away and shot or raped too – it happened to every class of inhabitant so why’s it always just the poor natives they’re dedicating so much class time to?

10:57 AM

I’m leaving – this is pointless.

I’ve been in the op-shop and told Rosa I’m not interested in todays lesson, and she’s told me if I can’t me nice she’d rather I didn’t go in there. I told her I wasn’t planning on going in there, it’s just too biased and narrow. “Why is it never directed at the British empire, instead of any white people around at the time?”

6:15 PM

I’ll be cleaning my ears with this tonight: warmed in water then left to soak a while and gently removed by absorbtion into tissue or paper-towel..

Awful lot to catch up on last few days so I’ve connected my tablet to the bluetooth keyboard and will use that to write when I’m here from now on – it’s much easier typing on a keyboard than swiping on a phone screen.

Dinner tonight will be eggs on toast with the new Tefal non-stick pan my exquisite other half brought within her care package yesterday, and although I took a photo of the whole fry-pan before I used it, I then took this closer snap that looks just awesome – all wavy lines and dots πŸ™‚

My plan here is to stay long enough to pay-off the $1350 bond and gather enough furniture to furnish another 2 bedroom unit, then get enough permenant hours – or other reliable income – to move to a private place and use the bond and references here.

Whether I stay here that long or longer, the best thing about this flat is it’s a private space: the only privacy I’ve had since the end of last year has been the hour or two in the cold outside before I fall asleep each night, and when I’m in a disabled toilet with the door locked. There’s constantly been general public around in varying numbers – constantly – the rest of the day.

With a new frypan and eggflip, salt, pepper and vegetable oil from you yesterday already here, I had to make a point of grabbing eggs, bread and butter today so Friday morning not only do I not have to wait until 8:00 Am for the free eggs & toast from the salvation army breakfast, I can have real butter instead of that nasty margerine they use there. And I don’t have to go anywhere to have it my goodness ? ❣❣❣

Anyway the eggs and toast will be later; right now I’ve got this and then my ears to do.

Incidentally, my ears are very slightly bit noticeably popping when I swallow my coffee. Only for a millisecond, but I can hear louder for that millisecond.

Oh and I’ve brought back my first decorative item.. a nicely shaped glazed ceramic bowl..

8:11 PM

You know I’m not sure why I bother adding the time so often, I’m sure there’s no practical use for it, but mm. I’ve been distacted cleaning my vaporizers: Now I’ve got a clean flat surface, the new scissors she bullied off me a week or so ago, and has given back to me as part of her care package too and a sink to wash everything. Eggs soon then ears.

I still have a dragon to draw that I didn’t: the class animal of the week I promised a certain child πŸ™‚

I’ve got two bags of my pencils here I should look through for a graphite 2H.

Okay here’s me for the night..

I’ve done two.

Day 30 – Thursday, 30th August 2018

First thing in the morning and Ahlei tells me when I walk in the door somebody’s hung a shit in front of the church. I told her to leave it because of the risk of hepatitis, and don’t wanna touch it myself so it’s still out there by the market stalls.

I joked that it might’ve been Old-Bronwyn, then Rosa got there and said it might be her and that she’s not joking – the woman’s twisted enough.


3:41 PM

Back at the flat for the day so here we are: I’ve just done all 11 of my 11 dishes and I’m unpacking todays food. Once I’ve done that I’m going to soak and handwash my socks and underwear though socks are more important. I’ll use some Dettol anti-bacterial on em plus that lemongrass soap you gave me πŸ™‚

4:27 PM

That’s not an alternative “Bye” at all.

Here’s todays cupboard additions. I took a full box of those fancy truffle oil noodles because nobody else wants them and I really didn’t mind them the time I sampled them a few weeks ago.

Like everything else Beautiful, if you see anything there you want just tell me and I’ll bring it there next time xo

8:47 PM

So my plans got a bit interupted with a spontaeneous invitation to Beautiful’s place for dinner. On speaker in the car both her and child decided I was coming for dinner, and though I was looking forward to cooking pasta for dinner here now I’ve got a kitchen, they convinced me with the child crying in the car when I tried saying no – also on speaker-phone πŸ™‚

Dinner was vegetarian spaghetti and it was excellent as always, with salad which went just fine with the pasta itself. The photo’s on my phone..

Before dinner we played Mr Squiggles on the white-board, each taking turns drawing a random squiggle then the other person’s gotta make a drawing out of the lines you give em. I prefer this to hide-and-seek, because there’s a point to it and doesn’t require counting 20 piggies each round πŸ™‚ ..need a bigger white-board we do. Or blackboard paint and a board πŸ™‚

And I’ve decided to use the decorative bowl for eggs, because hey look excellent in there and I like eggs.

“..I don’t want a silly music book Mummy, I want crutches!!” ?

I might start using coloured text for speech now I think of it: there’s not so many people get quoted that I couldn’t have a different colour for each person. I only mention this because it’s always buged me trying to use italics and bold to distinguish who’s saying what. Coloured text though, that’d be persisitant and quickly become a visual identifier as to who’s talking to who mm.


Day 31 – Friday, 31th August 2018

9:40 PM

I should’ve updated someone today but the church was just the church, and Cathy was the only annoyance, and the only food I brought back today was a box of rice bubbles, cornflakes and milk oh and a few bowls I found in the op-shop before I left..

The blue one is the best of the lot and She has said she’ll have it so there goes that bowl, but she will like it: it’s an excellent shape and colouring almost looks luminous when you reflect light off it..

You know I’m still absorbing the idea of going from a sleeping-bag outside in the freezing wind, to a heated unit with 5 separate rooms, new or at least new looking appliances, gas cooking, my own bathroom, toilet, a pretty decent sized kitchen and a 5/5 star energy-efficient and 5/5 star air-quality Rinnai gas heater, the bootload of things Beautiful brought me the other day and now these two boxes of things from wherever they came from. Wentworth housing ultimately.

3 thoughts on “The soulmate returns 🎻

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