The Homeless is over 💀

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Saturday, 1st September 2018

I’ve gotta get rid of that stupid orange.. here’s some photos of the isolated flat in the shittest street in town..


Sunday, 2nd September 2018

1:22 PM

The church is over too.

Friday I took a 3 litre milk out the fridge and then – since it’d been out twenty minutes or so – I went and swapped it for a fresh one since I don’t have a fridge and wanted it as cold as possible before I leave.

Rosa had a whinge as I was doing it, though I swapped the milk anyway.

Last few weeks I’ve been taking deliveries to her, and with so many people who visit the church for food either filling 50 litre backpacks then coming back for a second or third backpack, Rosa complains about my taking a single box, because we wouldn’t want the junkies, rapists, child molesters, child rapists, criminals and other nasty fucks missing out on anything right?

Like I’ve also said, people write on the form they’re feeding 16 people then drive off with a bootload of food when we all know they’re only sharing a place between two of them, then I take food and I’m questioned over that to the point I’ve gotta do it before Rosa gets there or after she’s gone when I’m only taking one box per week myself!

Doesn’t take much for me to drop a person or group of people: a little smart remark here, a hypicritical comment there.. week or two later I’m over the whole thing.

You all go ahead and squabble over you’re stale bread, half rotten vegetables and past-expiry shit: I’d rather spend the $10 a week on milk than wade through a room full of scabs just for the only punnet of tomatoes without mould all over it.

2:12 PM

Day 3 – Monday, 3rd September 2018

I’ve been into town and done what I needed to do, now back home for the day because it’s the day before payday and I don’t tend to give much of a shit about doing anything when I’ve got no money in my pocket and no smokes, but like most days it’ll be over in the blink of an eye, before we know it.

On the upside, the first two weeks on the unit will be paid tomorrow.

Actually, what I was apparently supposed to do was attend a ‘Back to work’ “course” at my jobsearch provider, who provide little more than computers you can use to search for jobs yourself in case you’re too retarded to do that from your phone or tablet, but I thought I’d come for a quick monthly appointment so when Anne directed me to the class of two in the corner of the office I walked over and pulled out a chair, then stopped and said outloud, to myself mostly, “Nope wait I don’t need to sit I’m not staying”.

I then explained to the “trainer” that I’ve been almost completely deaf since a woman cleaned my ears about a week ago, that the left ear is becoming infected and that until I can hear again there’s really not much point my being here and that I’ve just moved into a unit and have to go and ..organise stuff or whatever, “So no, I won’t be attending today. I’ll start tomorrow.”

“..Not much point then either really: I won’t be hearing anything you’re saying tomorrow any better.”

Couldn’t even hear him well enough to know whether he was objecting or not, so I apologized to the class for the distraction and walked out.

I still cannot find where that shitty orange title colour is in the CSS files, and it shits me everytime I look at the post.

I’m using my tablet, since my phone is charging on the kitchen windowsill, and the kitchen door is closed.

Tuesday, 4th September 2018

You’d think not being homeless anymore would be just fucking great but it’s just an empty fucking unit alone.

Bugs and snakes are the only dumb fucks happy to live like that and I’m neither a bug or a reptile: I’m a warm-blooded mammal and need people.

There’s a male pigeon dancing around like a fool for some female pigeon: puffing his throat, doing little bobs and twirls and turning in a circle for her.

Must be nice to just hookup, have a few kids and a family: few pirouettes and he’s a dad! Lucky him right.

Everywhere I go I see couples happy walking hand in hand, parents out with their bundles of joy on bikes, walking, at parks. Fuckin bitch.

3:29 PM

I had to walk up and buy a 12V adapter from that little electronics shop because we couldn’t find the bag with all the cords and audio technica headphones in it and, yeah well now it’s back I wanted to play it tonight.

As for the downgrade from a real baby brand to this, it’s evident but it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s really just the sound – since I don’t have the headphones and can’t plug in the studio monitor speakers, I’m stuck with the little inbuilt ones and they always sounded mm muddy.

Gotta hang my shower curtain.

I also got bulbs today for the air vent thing over the stove, because they make excellent kitchen night-lights..

I also got a cheap plastic dish rack and cutlery tray..

I was saying earlier that the new bulb I put in the rangething over the stove will make great warm lighting for dinner photos, and although it’s a common enough dinner for me lately to not require any further photos, give lighting is new and I was correct .. a nice dim 25W of proper warm incandescent filament.

Wednesday, 5th September 2018

10:53 AM

This jobsearch course is even more mind-numbing than the one at the church. So far we’ve talked about wait for it: our feelings. Since Monday.

Nothing whatsoever about finding work or improving our ability to do so.

5:05 PM

What did I do today.. I’ll upload the photos from my phone then write it up a bit later.

Today’s shopping consisted only three items, and since I was going all out with two dozen eggs, figured I may as well cross back to the dark side and try both caged and free-range, both extra large, both 700g boxes so I can see which tastes better..


7:19 PM

Alright so I had that pointless back to work course today again, which got me out of the pointless volunteer course at the church I suppose, though the back to work course goes all day pretty much, every day this week and in the past three days we’ve talked about nothing but feelngs and rejected half the content as rubbish – not just me either – yesterday, when we spent the day covering depression and two of us stated that we’re neither depressed nor anxious, so why are we spending the day discussing what to do about shit like that when it doesn’t apply to any of the 4 in attendance?

I suggested we’d all be learning more playing mister squiggles on the white board, then holt up and started with a squiggle, bit nobody else wanted to play, so maybe they are depressed after all. I finished it later though 🙂

We all concurred that the job network is simply there to create jobs for the office-workers and are completely useless when it comes to actually searching for jobs.

Hang on..

Had to change to my phone for this photo, because I have been handwashing my clothes for a few days now and not only do I not mind, the results are pretty good.

I should get washing powder but the combination of shampoo and dishwashing liquid has worked well: they smell fresh and the shampoo is mm .. says olive leaf and wheat oil, but it smells like more than that..

Good sink for it too. Deep, it is.

Thursday, 6th September 2018

6:19 PM

Half-albino-freak-pigeon understands me.

I meant to update earlier when I got home, but got distracted with the sheet music on my ipad now I’ve got it back. Need those headphones though they’re $300 Audio Technica and I couldn’t find the bag with them in it when I got the digital piano the other day.

I went to the jobsearch course again, arriving an hour late, took twice the morning tea break then twice the lunch break we’re meant to have and complained about the poor quality content in and around that.

My left eye is developing a corneal ulcer and I should’ve taken them out last night but fell asleep so this morning my left contact lens started irritating my eye the moment I opened them. I’ve finally taken it out but now can only see clearly out my right eye.

In my lunchbreak, I walked up to the TAFE to give him my number in case the bag shows up to save me coming back later, and he added it to his phone on the spot, last name and all. I was happy to just write it on a bit of paper, but I suppose he won’t lose it if it’s already in the phone.

On the way back down I stopped in at the church for my ipad and Rosa was unsually nice to me for some reason.

I got the ipad, plus milk, yogurt I probably won’t get around to eating, and cheese slices. The nasty kraft ones 🙂

This alligator car is one of Mooses’ old toys.. poor Moose..

And tonight was the free-range egg comparison. The free-range eggs taste about the same but have a better consistency: the caged eggs had more snotty bits I mean..

Friday, 7th September 2018

4:43 PM

Write or practice…

I’m not really feeling all that inspired for either, but I’ll add photos anyway. Everyone at the church still loves me fine, not like that was ever going to radically change but that’s never what bothers me anyway.

Last day of pointless jobsearch course today, and though I went, I stipulated when I got there – an hour late – that I’d have to leave early before the church shuts so I can have a look what food is there and borrow money.

I did both those things, but not before hijacking the white-board and erasing the circle of life he’d drawn to replace it with a pie graph of my own.

The question was what priorities would I give to different aspects of life, and I told him his circle just looks like a wheel and a graph would be a better way to visually represent what matters on planet Jason, then continued filling out the graph with a % for each aspect of life and how much mental energy I dispense for each..

He asked me it that was all I’d put in a circle of life, which I replied in the negative to but told him I’d need to re-draw the whole pie with a million little slices representing like 0.1% each for most of the additional life issues I think about and since we both knew we were just filling time until I go, we left it how it was.

There were not many volunteers at the church today with Maria, Ahlei and Rosa being the only op-shop people and I bought this tiny plate before I left with a kookaburra on it from the for 0.50c.

I’ve learnt another song – in one hour.

Here’s dinner .. only choice that matters to me is free-range or caged. Nice some things are simple.

Oop, forgot the photo..

Saturday, 8th September 2018

9:39 AM

Day 4 of the aforementioned silent treatment and I’m 4x less inclined to even text the woman.

I’m in the op-shop with Rebecca for the day: give me a chance to find cables for my pianos’ speakers before I pack up with her, though I didn’t even bring a packed pipe today.. it’s usually in my pocket so I didn’t think about it until I got here.

Once I’m done here and have my hominy bread I’ll go home and learn the bridge to What am I to you, while she continues the childish punishment for my daring to demand commitment after three years without.

If you think the layers of insecurity caused by years of see how we go inspires love you’re absolutely clueless.

Cables, right.

4:32 PM

Okay now, I’ve found and brought home the cables I needed to both plug the keyboard into the Yamaha speakers plus a power cable for each speaker and I tell ya what, in this little room with concrete walls and carpet the phone’s microphone records sound, well clearly.

Here’s last nights’ one-hour song 🙂

I went as far as learning the chords, then picked the rest out by ear because it’s much faster than reading the thousand actual notes Norah Jones plays..

Clear without vibration from the piano.

Sorry about the cheap dx keyboard effect, and it sounds a bit weak yet because I only picked time notes out last night, so it’s not familiar enough to be expressive with yet.

The studio monitor speakers sound quality shits on the built-in speakers too, though the headphones are in a class of their own and I’ve gotta get them back: it sounds like a real piano through the headphones, the deepest bass notes are as clear as crystal and there’s just no noise at all yeah.

Anyway just as we were packing the op-shop up today we’re good a delivery of about 6 crate-sized boxes PACKED with eggs. Not any eggs though; locally laid and free-range, the chick was excited enough to show us photos of their chickens laying the eggs, walking around the paddock and whatever but anyway they look like they’ll be exceptionally good eggs so I took 3 dozen 🙂

Like fuckin Christmas – all those eggs for nothing and that don’t have to be fridged, so I could probably eat them all before they do expire – fresh from the farm today – but two of the cartons are for Her, whenever I can get them there.

There’ll be fights between the morlocks tomorrow as they all rush the table for as many eggs as they can snatch and grab before everyone else.

5:40 PM

I’ve got everything I need currently: plenty of food, plenty of coffee and milk and sugar, plenty of tobacco and mm enough drugs for a few more days at least.

If only I had a woman to rub against.

Why they gotta be such bitches??

Toni said that by the way, I’m just quoting her. Without the quotation marks.

I need a bitch though.. to tell me how awesome I am mm. And fuck. And eat with. And argue with. And not argue with.

Maybe just someone who’s got a different card to play than the bitch-card. 

Cooking with gas now..

9:55 PM

Here it is again with the grand piano *cough* “voice” .. closest I’ve got here, and there are too many ghost notes and I’ve got to break my addiction to rolling all the sets – there’s far too much rolling notes generally when I play now, I’ve gotta break that habit.. timing’s slightly off in the F major chords too 😉

Oh the file, right..

Heart like a fuckin crypt.

Only a matter of time.

Sunday, 9th September 2018

1:44 PM

Lovely day outside.

This having a keyboard on-hand is fucking awesome – especially without a TV it any other entertainment: it’s this or nothing and I bre just learnt the bridge section of the song, thus completing the learning of said song, though I haven’t settled into the bridge bit yet or managed to seamlessly insert it at the end of the primary chord progression.

Goodness we’re dusting off the vocabulary today 🙂

I’m constantly aware it’s not a real piano, but taking into account..

    • The 200 watt external speakers are m sound vastly better than the little internal ones.
    • The ipad full of complete manuscripts of Norah Jones
    • The keys themselves are new compared to the baby grands’ so it’s smooth as silk, still touch sensitive and can’t get stuck keys because they’re not mechanically attached to any hammers.
    • Most importantly: the digital piano is constantly available since it’s right here.

.. and the digital isn’t as much of a downgrade as I expected it to be. Not at all

I’ve even given one of the bedrooms to the instrument and have it right in front of the window so I’ve got a view of town even i’m sitting here.

Yes very happy to have it back, and with two tablets I can use one for music and the other for the devices manual 🙂

Be nice sitting here with the window open in summer too.

Once ove got the bridge committed to memory I’ll do the dishes because the sink is full enough to be annoying now, then draw the head on the water dragon I started for the child shoes mother is no doubt already filling her head with bullshit about how Jason doesn’t want to come over or see them or whatever other lies she takes the liberty of injecting into the kids head.

5:37 PM

Bit tinny and out if time for this but I’ve settled on the general arrangement now..

I didn’t go to the church at all today.

Mm I’d planned to, but fell back to sleep and some up at 11:30 AM then thought “Fuck it”.

By the time I’d had a few coffees, showered, dressed and left it would’ve been over anyway, so I spent the day in 🙂

Monday, 10th September 2018

5:21 PM

The dishes are done, I know right just wow, but the water dragon is sp unchanged since I don’t know if or when I’ll be going back there seems little point in hurrying it, or even doing it.

7:05 PM

Tuesday, 11th September 2018

2:34 PM

Here it is on the piano.

5:55 PM

Bit of home modification. The smoke alarm will tell me if it’s a fire hazard, but I can’t see a power-saving bulb getting that hot.

Wednesday, 12th September 2018

2:34 PM

CPR today at the course..

5:26 PM

I’m finding myself losing interest in both the church and the woman: both are dead-ends and I need something to replace at least one of them.

The atmosphere at the church has changed now, and you only had to look at the difference in individuals behavior compared to what it usually is: all afternoon I kept seeing examples of people being tense, unhappy or on edge.

On the upside I got to unexpectedly stab Toni in the arm with an Epipen today: jumped a foot in the air she did 🙂

Thursday, 13th September 2018

4:17 PM

So the homeless is over and the woman is clearly no soulmate or woman of mine, which leaves me without a focus to write about right now, though I’ve already decided what I’ll do next, and this next pursuit will be well overdue. You’ll all love it.

I suppose I could fatten the word count by pondering my view on things but I’ve done that plenty in the past and don’t feel much need to write solely for the purpose of filling in a page.

So I won’t.

You’ll find profound musings if you flick back a year or two: why write them twice.

8:23 PM

I’m reading Patricia Cornwell’s book on Jack the Ripper on my ipad since I still haven’t picked up the TV.

Seems Patricia made a near complete lack of evidence a trivial issue, as she spends the book reiterating her opinion which is consistently based more on imagination than reality.

Anyway this next focus will require me to be drug-free, so there’ll be no more of them, and though I cannot swear I’ll go all-out and be a non smoker too, I haven’t had any tobacco for 3 days and I’m not dead yet.

Of course I’ve been sucking vapor in me constantly – enough to trigger the smoke alarm twice now – but that’s alright my hands and feet are warm already.

Friday, 14th September 2018

3:28 PM

There’s another transition coming.

Ambiguous, yes.

I’ve got four vaporizers, with four different liquids in four different tanks with four fully charged lithium ion batteries.

If only I had four mouths.

Matter of fact I’ll change the cotton and clean the coil in the dripper on the left: I’ve been scraping the buildup of waxy black resin – inadvertently caked-on hash – from the inside of my grinder and dropping it in the coils so they’re about ready for a clean. There’s 8 months worth of resin buildup stuck to the inside. The grinder, not the vaporizer.

The drug free evidently hasn’t begun yet, but the resin will be gone before long.

Still reading while I consider how to go about this next thing but where better to think than perched atop a pile of 2000 thread-count egyptian cotton sheets and bedding.

Of course I love you; I just saw your text, and missed call, then, is all. Imagine that.

It’s quite the phenomenon, how we can just not see one anothers’ texts for a full day at a time huh?

5:30 PM

I’ve just seen this photo from the beginning of the year when I was looking for living plant matter to add to the very poor diet I was eating on the fire trail in Leura Forest – by the drain yes – and I still maintain that dandelion flowers make excellent additions to pasta sauce..

My favorite was the creamy lemon, butter and garlic sauce, but once cooked they absorb the flavor of the sauce yeah they’re highly recommended since flowers would have nutrients we don’t get anymore since human beings are too useless to forage now.

We would’ve eaten flowers once upon a time, along with nuts and berries we collected.

I’m going to drill a wider air hole in this tank now I’ve got my cordless drill with me again.

6:29 PM

Here’s dinner since I’m finally not feeling like eggs tonight, so it’s the pasta and sauce from Her care package, though I’ll have to eat all of it because there’s no fridge or freezer..

Saturday, 15th September 2018

11:50 AM

I’m in town at the op-shop with Rebecca and Leerah, but not for long. I’ll go and get milk and sugar soon then head home.

Really the whole church phase is over far as I’m concerned: Tuesday’s just that laudable morning tea with the increasingly mental old Bronwyn, Wednesday through Friday they’ve got retards and the lowest rung on the volunteer ladder filling-in for those of us with a brain and persona who don’t come in much anymore, and Sunday lunch yeah: I don’t need to come here for piano practice now, and stopped bothering to socialize with societies dregs and drug addled criminals, well I never came here for them: who wants to spend their Sunday surrounded by junkies picking and scratching at their scabs and perverts licking donuts in front of any kids people are braindead enough to bring to a place like that?

A handful of the volunteers and people like old Brian were the only people I bothered with even when I used to sit down and eat the lunch.

Serial rapists and sexual offenders love social services like this and predatory offenders of all types patronize this place because they can stalk people nobody notices, but nobody here seems to worry too much about that – as long as nobody is physically or sexually assaulted on church property who gives a shit whose houses they’re sneaking around each night, right?

Two well known child molesters are here every other day for the free lunches and food bank sponging – they hang around like a protected species because Rosa doesn’t live in town, doesn’t have kids or family here and doesn’t need to worry about that aspect, so “turn nobody away” remains her motto, even when a given person’s criminal history is known, so they’re free to stalk anybody who seems vulnerable enough.

Anyway that’s meandering off-topic and I’ve pointed all this out to Rosa and Ahlei before without any reaction from either and I’ve called the better known of them perverts to their faces loud enough for the whole fuckin street to hear, yet they’re still there hanging around waiting for the right woman or child to catch their eye.

I’ve got a digital piano at home and no longer need to come in here to practice, so from a personal perspective I’ve got no reason to be here anymore.

2:33 PM

Of course I had to get rid of this bit.

Not that I feel any better about it, but because if I wait until I’ve gotten over it, I’ll forget to remove it and I don’t want 500 word blocks of anger scattered throughout my posts: makes me look bad.

3:55 PM

Oh, I grabbed these dinosaurs while I was there today, because I liked them. Who the fuck says home decor has to be vases, rugs and wall hangings. I was going to post it as a romantic metaphor until 3:00 PM rolled around and I thought, again, this is going nowhere: after three years of my demonstratively loving you, your child and your animals, if you still can’t find it in you to open your heart to me like any other woman seems capable of doing there’s really no point in my continuing to give you mine – dinosaurs be fucked.

Sunday, 16th September 2018

4:58 PM

Okay, so I said I’d post each chapter of Jack Londons’ book on the squalid lives of Victorian-era Unfortunates as I read them, but I’ve already read all but the last chapter and still haven’t finished editing Chapter 1.

The book is excellent because although we all know 1888-1900 is historically all about Jack the Ripper and the Whitechapel Murders, Londons’ book doesn’t mention that, but instead takes you on a guided tour of what life was like in the East-end at the exact time the Ripper was hunting the poor fuckers who lived there, so I’ll just paste the link to the site I’ll eventually forgot about copying in from and you can go read all 27 chapters there instead, albeit in stark, ugly black on white.

Great book. Read it.

8:22 PM

A MOMENT’S REFLECTION on the duality of opposing personalities that would mutually benefit both of us, had you the depth of thought to glean anything, from anything, ever ❣

Being from the nice part of town and a bitch doesn’t compel her to be a stuck-up bitch towards him ❣

Most importantly, stuck-up bitch or not she is with him and there’d be no spaghetti scene at all had they not committed to make the movie together in the first place ❣

The perfect metaphor. Much better than the stuffed dinosaurs ❣

Monday, 17th September 2018

7:12 PM

I’VE WASHED MY CLOTHES, done the dishes and doubt I have hot water left tonight for a shower, though the clothes aren’t dry yet anyway so whatever right.

After that, I decided to sand the matt grey finish of the little innoken tank I’ve got to match the battery mod and look at them now: like they were made for each other..

I know I’ll be buying tobacco tomorrow, but I’m going to leave the packet at home when I go out and make a conscious effort to drastically reduce my smoking at home.

I’ve gone days without a smoke of any kind: my hands and feet are warm and I can feel the oxygen reaching all those little capillaries that’ve been choked for so long now.

And whoever’s down-voting this post, you can fuck off back to Facebook and stalk people while you post boring photos of your common life and grace other Commoners boring shit with another oh-so-common ‘?’ nobody gives a fuck about.

If you don’t like what I’ve got to say, there’s the door.

Use it.

9:00 PM

After two weeks avoiding breaking the news to a mate that I’ve got none of the money I owe him, he’s rung a minute ago.

I let the phone ring out.

I then rang him back but he didn’t answer and I could barely hear the ringing-tone in the phone speaker anyway.

“What’s going on Jason tell me please”, was the text I got a few minutes later, so I told him I’ve been handed a two-bedroom unit and have started paying rent again now.

He said he was grateful to finally hear something and that I hadn’t frozen to death or similar, that he was thinking all sorts of things could’ve happened then said that’s fine.

So I’m officially out of the pet trade, and told him I’d sort him out in chunks over the next few weeks.

So we’re clear too, I didn’t avoid him because I thought he’d be angry – I just didn’t want to disappoint the man: it’s been like a well oiled machine for the better part of a year now, and I didn’t want to tell him I’d be hitting the stop button.

The man’s become a good friend since I started being homeless.

When winter hit and the nights started getting cold, he met me in town and gave me a very thick, high quality jacket that was actually too hot at that point to wear.

Another time we met-up got coffee he brought a large camping stove with two gas canisters: said to do as I please with it and if I cannot cook where I’m sleeping outside, I can simply use it for warmth.

When that teenager got bashed out back of the church by drug dealers who’d come for the junkies camping out there at the same time as the clueless kid was there, he repeatedly told me as soon as we know who did it to tell him, so he could show them violence and a single glance at the multitudes of cuts and scars all over his face told me he’d be good for it.

We never found out who bashed the kid, though I suspected the step-father in the end.

When I was desperately out of money, we met up and he’s given me a ‘care package’ of cigarettes, cash, and a thermos filled with hot tea – apologizing because tea was all he had – then bought me hot chips and offered to buy a hamburger but I told him that wasn’t necessary, that he’s given me plenty already.

Like I said, he’s become a friend, so I didn’t want to disappoint him.

9:35 PM

I’m seeing things out the corner of my eye here. I see obvious movement, look around and there’s nothing there.

I shit you not.

And again for the sake of clarity, I have NEVER hallucinated on anything but gold-top mushrooms, and only while I was on them, and not since I was 18 or so: last time I had said species of mushroom.

I’ve never had a ‘flashback’ in my life.

Right. Eggs.

As an addendum to the above: just a couple of days after I moved into this unit, I opened the door to the second bedroom and found one of the windows wide open.

I text Her a photo, yet I’ve been through all the pictures we’ve sent and cannot find the one of the open window now even though I haven’t deleted any messages at all.

Anyway I sent Her a photo and She replied I obviously forgot to close it. I told her I had no recollection of opening it, but I suppose I must’ve, but why would I leave it open?

Even now after being here weeks, every window is locked right now; I check them regularly and every time I go out I check all the windows are locked: I’m only on the second floor, and it’s not hard to climb one story off the ground.

When I first moved in I didn’t open any windows anyway because it was too cold and I had the heater on.

I’m not getting spooky, just including that open window from a few weeks ago because it’s in theme with the movements off to my side I randomly see.

Wish I could find the photo..

11:15 PM

Watch Four Corners or continue reading the book I’m reading?

I will read the book: it’s getting a bit late for the excitement of a TV show and I’ve gotta watch in on my phone or tablet on iview since I still haven’t got an actual television yet so it’ll cost me 800mb of phone data.

Reading puts me to sleep faster too.

No wait, I want another egg.

Night ❣

Tuesday, 18th September 2018

I’ve got the course at the church today, and I’ll be a bit late. For some reason there’s three days this week.

~9:30 AM

Alrighty, this morning I rock-up to the church at around 9:30 AM and I’m just about to go inside for the course, when Rosa tells me that the mental illness course is separate from the main TAFE volunteers course, that since I missed yesterday there’s no point my going in for only half the course, so I didn’t go in and do it.

Then she tells me somebody has informed her that I’ve written that the volunteers are retards, and that she’s quite upset about that, though she said that as she was eating a piece of cake, and having seen Rosa upset a few times now, I must say she looked distinctly unperturbed by it.

“Who’s whinging now Rosa?”

“I’m not saying.”, she tells me as she takes another bite of cake and she looked so into that cake it was kinda cute, which made it hard to debate much with her.

“I don’t like the way the dynamic’s changed here Rosa: the socially gifted among us have stopped coming in as much” – Toni, Mandy, Maria mainly, though even Cathy (annoying as she can be) is at least chatty, friendly and not a social retard with people who come into the op-shop or food-bank – “because since this course started the quieter, weirder volunteers have been filling-in and they suck.”

She munches then swallows the mouthful she’s working on, then says she doesn’t know why I have to write about everything online.

“It’s a privately owned public diary Rosa. I’ll say what I like, and people who don’t like it don’t have to read it.”

“Well it’s not private if it’s online for everyone to read.”

“Nobody has to read it: it’s my site; it’s completely self-contained; it’s about me, my life and what I think: those who take issue with it are the same pretentious, tiny-minded try-hards I don’t give a shit about anyway, you tell them to stop reading if they bitch about it again.”

Given that Maria, Toni, Ahlei and Rosa all know they’re as cool as shit far as I’m concerned, the only person who could’ve complained was that walking gay-cliche: can’t even remember his name anymore – the doughy one with the double chin and beady rat eyes who runs the same stale book stall out front when markets are actually on, which is almost never anyway.

He also had a bitchfit at Rosa a few weeks ago, when I stated that almost all the marketers are bottom-feeding leeches, which they are, who wouldn’t even pay the church table fees if they could slime their way out of it and have no interest at all in helping anyone at all but themselves and the cheap shit they try to hawk as “good stuff”.

I told Rosa I have an ideological problem with people who have no interest in anything but profit made on the back of a charity.

Pigs, fighting over slop.

I’ll finish this dialog later because that’s the least exciting thing happened today.

~1:00 PM

I’ve just been to Toni’s place for the first time, and it is a remarkable house: built around the end of the 1800’s, the layout is circular and there are so many rooms goodness..

Turns out her and her hubbie live less than two-hundred meters from me, and have a much nicer digital piano than mine, which I had a little play with but I wasn’t there for that so didn’t get too comfortable playing.

Clavinovas are like $5000 a piece and about as good as electric keyboards get.

And on top of the piano – again as cool as shit, is this: a 100% genuine human skull.. fucking A-grade.

The Clavinova wasn’t the highlight of the place by any means: the whole house had a kind of old, creepy feel and the decor did its share of the work there, hang on I’ve gotta get ready.

Wednesday, 19th September 2018

10:03 AM

Wednesday, and I should already be at the church for the course, but have been distracted cleaning my ears again: someone suggested hot tap water, and hot water soaked cotton tips are by far the best method I’ve tried – I can almost hear normally again!

I’ll be a bit late.

Save my chair Toni 🙂

1:00 PM

So we’re halfway through my 45th birthday, and everyone has wished me a happy one: from Toni, Ahlei, Rosa, Maria, Jingles and Mandy to my mother and dog-breeder.

Toni’s given me a cute little plastic dinosaur and the aforementioned dog-breeder wants to give me a little birthday present too..

Rosa and Ahlei are yet to give me their gifts, though any throwaway trinkets will find a place on my window sill at home.

Good day for it too 🙂

Not too hot, the course isn’t too boring and I am fully trained to perform CPR now, and there’s still the food truck to go this afternoon.

10:42 PM

Tonight’s birthday dinner has been postponed, so tonights meal was simple grain toast, buttered with mersey valley cheese, though it’s roast onion flavoured and pretty good..

Thursday, 20th September 2018

I’ve finally managed to snatch the volunteer forms out of Rosa’s hands today and fill them in, demanding she give me the forms for my birthday gift, because I’m starting to think there’s some kind of conspiracy going on around here, “what am I, too high risk to allow me to sign up or something? Too mental? Gimme the forms Rosa and I want them backdated to Christmas last year.”

She did, and I filled them out and backdated them, then just before she left, gave her the pen to sign, which she did. 

So the birthday is well over now, but not before I got a little acknowledgement at the church this morning, of how awesome it is that I was indeed created.

Minutes after I walked in, Ahlei has given me this token, pointless monkey, but even a token monkey is better than nothing..


A few moments after that the whole room is singing happy birthday to me, and I wasn’t all that down with the singing, which is always awkward in that application.

6:55 PM

I brought home my TAFE folder now the course is over, and will continue on ove of the drawings after dinner. After I’ve washed the butter off my hands.


Friday, 21st September 2018

Today, my only plans are to go into town for a bit of shopping then return here to finish drawing the door of the decrepit old woman opposite, across the hall, and finish writing yesterday.

And smoke some of my birthday present.

Oh and clean the kitchen of last nights dinner. I’ve really gotta start doing that after dinner itself, so I don’t have to come be-all too the mess the next day mm.

5:07 PM

Before I update yesterday, now the bomb’s already been detonated so she can’t get pissed-off because she already is: this woman has vanished in Katoomba.
Handouts came into the junction this morning, and Rosa informs me that the ‘illness’ in question is schizophrenia, so if you see this person DO NOT APPROACH THEM.

Just kidding, approach her all you like, but it would appear prudent for a sane, non-schizophrenic maniac and a generally healthy human-being notify the police, so she can at least be verified as alive. Let’s be honest: if she’s schizophrenic, then whether she is on or off her medication you’re still not going to find conversation with her especially stimulating anyway.

The number for Katoomba Police Station is 47828199.

Just the other day I was having a full on anxiety attack over exactly this kind of thing happening: all the sick, nasty fucks who walk among us in plain sight looking in daylight for targets to stalk after dark: look at that, another one gone.

Certainly makes the featured image inexplicably appropriate ?

Remember to check your windows are locked, women. Please.


6:35 PM

Finally this afternoon, I extracted a birthday present out of Rosa that is a tangible object instead of just a hug: this hand painted scroll from one of the asiatic countries. I’m not into that kind of art at all, but it’s interesting and fairly large..

Saturday, 22st September 2018

I bought those yesterday – marked down by 35% to $21, and although I’ll rue spending that money in a few days when I need shit, I haven’t had music for weeks now.

First the Samsung headphones I had shot themselves on one side so I could only hear sound in the left earphone, then both ears got completely blocked so I couldn’t hear anything anyway.

Now my hearing is better and my ears are clean, I figure I’ll gift them with something to hear again.

6:13 PM

No church sausage-sizzle for me today: I went for an impromptu bushwalk with her and the child instead, and it was lovely. Relatively short, and I can’t think of anything that was bad about it at all.

Dinner tonight is quiche and salad ❣

The quiche was excellent, thank you ❣

Before the aforementioned dinner I was given the honour of mowing the lawn. Half the lawn actually: She’d already done the top parts and I said I’d take over when she got sick of it, which I did, eventually – I was inside drawing with the child while She was mowing and drew a turtle 🙂

And now, I’m doing the next animal in a series, i’m pen, though I’m really leaning towards pencil for the dog.. mm won’t match though..

Sunday, 23rd September 2018

7:47 PM

Okay so I spent the day at home today outside of an inconvenient but necessary walk to town for milk and papers, and though I considered stopping into the church I knew I’d get stuck there, since there never seems to be such a thing as a quick visit for me there.

I got my milk, got my papers and walked back home because I wanted to finish the dog drawing, but have been distracted by ABCNEWS24 on and off all day: I haven’t watched the news since .. since the cabin? Did I watch the news then? I remember watching all the foxtel shows I could, and didn’t have much viewing time for free-to-air channels, so I may not have watched the news then either.

Scott Morrison is too arrogant and obviously condescending for the prime ministerial role.

8:22 PM

Monday, 24th September 2018

Monday’s are a bit depressing.

When I worked they were annoying because there’s a full week of grinding away for minimum wage to come, and the whole time I was homeless Monday was a ‘black spot’ or vacuum when the church was completely shut, and mo food, money or company could be gained.

Now, Monday’s are less depressing because I’ve got a roof over my head and can simply stay home and read, write, draw or play piano – opposed to hanging out at a public library until it closes, but I’ve still have to find something more energizing to do than wait until Tuesday, since that isn’t a very productive way to spend my time.

Anyway today I’ve got nothing but dishes to do and a shower to have before I can scribble out a few sketches and finish that dog, but I can feel my energy discharging like a battery now any time I don’t get a requisite amount of socialization for the day.

This is my second day at home: though I went out briefly for shopping yesterday, I came back home and that’s where I stayed.

Now I’m here again all day today, and if I stayed here again tomorrow I’d start feeling depressed and isolated.

On the upside, I can watch Four Corners tonight as it’s broadcast, rather than wait an additional hour plus waste 700mb of phone data catching up on iview.

And I’ve gotta say that although The Ritz was pretty bad for the two months or so I cleaned it before I left, I never witnessed any actual abuse of residents, though I did hear plenty of examples of staff talking about some residents as though they genuinely hated the individuals in question.

The ratio of residents to staff was the most obvious failing at the Ritz, with around 20 staff (less than half of which were qualified nurses) to 200+ residents most days, there wasn’t much anybody could do since management wouldn’t pay a cent more for extra staff.

2:36 PM

I’m beginning to feel unloved already, having received no birthday present thus far, and no spaghetti dinner 🙂

That’s you’re only job far as I’m concerned: making me feel loved, and though it’s not bothering me much at the moment you watch how quickly my discontent ramps-up on itself – my only child sense of self-importance isn’t going anywhere so you may as well come to terms with it ❣

3:21 PM

Two days ago a woman’s decomposing body was found outside of Darwin, dumped just off the highway in some bushland.

Long way from here, but now, just then they’ve announced remains have been found just off the highway in the Sydney Royal National park.

Bones they were, and apparently they’ve been there a while, but still that’s two corpses in two days.

I’ve always found things relating to serial killers morbidly fascinating you know, but now, with several women I care about on one level or another, I suddenly view the kind of people who would commit crimes like these just extremely sick, defective and dangerous: they really should be put-down like any other rapid animal.

Tuesday, 25th September 2018

Though nothing inspiring happened today, dinner turned-out better than I thought with a quick pasta and tasty cheese cooked into a kind of macaroni & cheese..

You never write anything and I’ve never got any way of knowing what you’ve done on any day.

Wednesday, 26th September 2018


Thursday, 27th September 2018

No, it’s not a huge event – Ahlei wearing a silly dress – but it’s about the most entertaining thing that’s happened today.

3:56 PM

So Ahlei in a grandma dress was the most exciting thing that’d happened, until about an hour ago, when I got a ride with “the girls” to the cancer op-shop to decide on a fridge that’s for sale there. 

The fridge is small compared to the fridges in most places I’ve lived, but it’s fairly new and big enough that I’ll no longer need to throw away food every few days and I’ll be able to amass cheeses, meat and dairy..

I’ve gotta be in town tomorrow to help move it, since Cathy’s offered her hired work-grunt to pick it up – rather than paying delivery – but the fridge is light enough for me to move myself as long as there’s a furniture trolley in the truck.

Even Toni had no problem moving the appliance in the shop, and Cathy insisted I plug it in to test it before purchase. 

5:09 PM

The topic of relationships came up today, and after the others shared their varied opinions, primarily based around the notion they’re happy being alone but don’t mind having a partner when they happen to have one, I said the core of my universe pivots and hinges on the woman I love: like yin & yang my entire existence feels only half what it should be when I’m separated because male and female evolved to naturally be together.

Oops almost forgot ..

Friday, 28th September 2018

Dinner tonight was vegetarian hot dogs and roasted vegetables, and neither the child or myself particularly relished the zucchini, but everything else was excellent. I opined while I ate them, that given the nasty mashed-up crap that’s in real hot dogs – exposed to the world by Jamie Oliver in an episode some 15 years ago now – I’ll happily accept the slight dryness of the meat-free version, opposed to choking down the ground-up nastiness of feathers, bones, anus, beaks, lips and hooves in actual hot-dogs ❣

.. and finally, she’s given me a token gift for my birthday ❣

Saturday, 29th September 2018

I’m going to tell you a story: judge me all you like, just keep it to yourself – I don’t wanna hear yapping about it.

A short while ago there was an ABC news update on TV, and at the end – as per tried-and-true news format – they had a cutesy animal story: about long-neck turtles today as it happens. Apparently their eggs are being gobbled-up by hungry foxes, so a team of researchers are digging the nests up, taking the eggs away to hatch then releasing the baby turtles back at the swamp.

I remembered a pet turtle I had a long time ago now, and what happened to him once I’d basically grown tired of having a pet turtle.

That turtle in-turn reminded me of my childhood dog: a black toy poodle named Tasha. She was a purebred – with papers – so her full, registered name was actually Natasha Pumpkernickel but that’s irrelevant, I think.

The dog was given to me when I was about five years old and living in the houso flats in Chifley with my mother: I stil remember the address – 305/1373 Anzac Parade – and there are photos of the place in the Lifetime Album, which spits out a random photo of the place here and there in the site’s sidebar on the right.

I’d been in the bathroom having a bath one night when some friends of my mother’s visited and one of them – a woman – entered the bathroom to use the toilet only to find me, naked in the bath flushed beetroot-red with embarrassment and mortified that someone had walked-in on me splashing around: I was completely, visibly naked and this woman saw me.

She was equally mortified to have intruded like that or at least acted that way, and quickly apologized before exiting the room but I was still spinning-out after she’d left me alone again.

I didn’t scream or carry on about it: just sat humiliated in the bathtub trying not to splash so I could hear what they were saying in the next room.. not wanting to leave the bath or bathroom until she’d left the unit completely.


9:58 PM

My phone is on 13% folks, so I’ll interrupt the dog story to eat dinner for a bit while it charges.

No turtle eggs were on-hand..

Sunday, 30th September 2018

Okay first of all thank you ever so much Toni, for the 3:00 AM photo of the lawn and the million pissed-out texts with three words in each 😉

Toni’s had a full bottle of vodka and managed to not drink it for weeks, regularly proclaiming the fact to me proudly. She even showed me this fabled bottle a while ago now.

But last night, she was bored, and drank it.

Here’s the master lesson in photography that greeted me this morning when I flicked through her texts..

Don’t worry I’ve checked there’s no location tagged in the photo like I always do.

It’s actually a good photo, in a blair-witch kinda way, and if it had an actual focal-point, I’d make it the featured image, but there is no focal point.

I suppose if you’re gunna get pissed at least you did it in the relative safety of your own yard rather than staggering home alone in the early hours of the morning.

Anyway, the scab-covered junkies and perverts will have to manage without Tonis’ volunteering at todays lunch – she’ll be feeling a bit off centre I’d imagine 🙂

Secondly, I’ve checked my data last night and found only 75mb out of the 1500mb I had left, and since nobody gives a fuck about my having phone data anymore than anyone gives a fuck about my having no tobacco for days on end, I’ll have to finish the dog story in an offline text editor and upload it, then that’ll be it until Wednesday, cause I forgot about that fucking public holiday completely.

No data, no updates: simple as that.

Don’t worry about missing the church lunch Toni I won’t be leaving the house today either, come to think of it I’ve not gone to the church on a sunday since my own digital piano came back.

Why would I depress myself with the ocean of human waste that swarm the church for their free reheated sausages every week if I don’t have to.

To be honest I don’t even play mine lately: no drugs, no smokes, no point playing. I can write without drugs and smokes, but won’t even be able do that by days end.

13 thoughts on “The Homeless is over 💀

  • Toni says:

    The piano sounds good ~ really pretty tunes 🙂

    • Guido Possum Guido Possum says:

      Why thank you Toni

      If I fail to get around to the dishes or dragon drawing that’s alright – it’s Sunday 🙂

      I’ll certainly get around to watching that true crime iview special about who killed Belinda .. can’t remember the last name.. the chick who vanished right here in katoomba without a trace. Even now there’s no trace mm.

      Eggs first. Hope you got eggs while you ate there, they’re very good. 🙂

  • Toni says:

    WOW ~ didn’t expect that 🙂

  • Toni says:

    You to stop smoking !!!

    • Guido Possum says:

      Oh yeah well that’s more necessity at the moment, though I ran out of drugs two days ago and cannot afford to do that and pay rent, so the drugs are gone at least until I’ve started making enough money to buy them again.

      I foresee myself still buying tobacco this week, but feeling bad about it until considering that it would cost me twice as much to order nicotine liquid online postage inclusive.

      Though I can certainly see myself smoking less, since I know after three days of only the vaporizers that it’s simply the psychological desire and habitual behavior that’s made me want to smoke: I’ve no physical withdrawal because my blood is thick with nicotine.

      But I’m going to be in town on payday with money so habitual behavior will see me buy tobacco.

  • Toni says:

    I’m here ~ hello 🙂

  • Toni says:

    A ring !!! Fuck now you can get married 🙂 not as good as my dinosaur 😉 it’s a girls ring ~ I’ll have it …….

    • Guido Possum says:

      Indeed: it would’ve been nice if she’d bothered to get a ring she’d actually bought for me instead of herself some 20 years ago – why I had to add “token gift”, but it’s on my finger anyway and you cannot have it, no 🙂

      Though acknowledgment is given for the fact you brought the dinosaur into the church on my birthday, rather than dig it out of a box a week later while I happened to be there anyway 🙁

  • Toni says:

    It’s ok ~ I have many rings ~ it probably has really weird ,twisted vibes in it anyway 🙂 PUT A RING ON IT ~ now it’s mine !!!

    • Guido Possum says:

      It feels very comfortable on: warm and smooth with no sharp edges and no pinching and I’m quite alright with it as I birthday gift, if not simply for the fact that it’s hers, and has been for decades.

      The only weird, twisted thing is that the finger next to it is still empty.

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