Tis the season, so I’m told..

Never feels like it though, since there’s never any reason to pretend to be jolly while most other people actually are, though I’ll find someone to make a big deal about Christmas with sooner or later, or not – doesn’t really matter once you’ve missed enough Christmases, birthdays, new years and there’s no anniversaries to celebrate you stop giving a fuck about all that shit after a while.

The heart was going to be for Woman #7 but over the past few weeks she’s made a point of complaining and even went off at me once about the fact that all the carvings I’ve created for her have been finished with my own body fluids.

That’s never been a problem in the past but suddenly is and then today when I had to listen to both her and her kid telling me they don’t want my blood to stain the heart I am hand-carving I realized that Woman #7 doesn’t regard anything I give her as any more private or intimate than anything else: everything is shared with the child to the point they’re basically considered toys or household ornaments with said child helping herself to go through her mothers bedroom draws anytime she feels like it – so nothing is private.

Since the heart will have details carved into the surface and since the valleys of those crevices will be filled with my blood, Woman #7 doesn’t want it because her child says blood is yucky and I’m not altering my plans for the heart based on the whims of a nine year old who’s got nothing to do with the gift in the first place.

Anyway the romantic gifts can stop now because they’ve never been intended as gifts to the household yet that’s how they’re treated so there’s really no point in giving them.

Sunday, 1 December 2019

The Jamison valley has been on fire for days now and though the fire service app has shown it as only 7 hectares and ‘Under Control’, today the app updated it to 55 hectares and ‘Being Controlled’ though judging by all the choppers around today it’s not being controlled very well.

Oh look at that, 392 hectares now and approaching Cliff Drive.

Clearly the term ‘Being Controlled’ holds a pretty ambiguous meaning to the state fire service.

I couldn’t take photos because I didn’t get to go down to Echo Point to actually see it though I’m sure everyone else in town did.

I’ve gotta clean Wentworth Falls TAFE tomorrow morning I gotta go to bed.

Monday, 2nd December 2019

I didn’t sleep at all because I stayed up until around 1:00 AM on Saturday night and slept-in until nine yesterday, so my body clock is out of time again but it’s, yeah – whatever: I got two full nights sleep on the weekend so going to work for one morning shift is no big deal.

10:25 AM

I’m tired enough now to have a nap soon anyway, though the work itself was no major strain and after years cleaning Katoomba TAFE I finally got to clean the much larger Wentworth Falls campus – something I’ve only ever seen from the train going past for years now because I’ve never had a reason to visit.

I’d probably do well to sleep now and wake up up eight or nine – that’d be inconvenient in a sense, but would reset my inner timepiece to go to sleep earlier, which would stop me being unable to drift off when I do have a morning shift on.

We’ll do that..

Tuesday, 3rd December 2019

Sixteen hours I slept at least: falling asleep at about midday yesterday I woke at around 1:00 AM, got up for a piss then went back to bed again and woke up at 7:00 AM.

I’m just waiting for the next bus into town now.

Incidentally, the fire in the national park just south of town has grown from 492 ha to 693 hectares and its status is now listed as ‘Out of Control’, finally.

You’d think they would’ve changed is status to reflect their lack of control when it grew from 55 to almost 400 hectares but oh well; they’re dumping water on it – not much more than that they can do.

As for the rest of the state, there’s so many bushfires going on presently you’d be hard pressed to find a location that’s not currently on fire..

And here’s the closest fire to us..

.. almost up into town 🙂

Julie’s a volunteer with the fire service – hope she doesn’t get burnt to jerky out there.

10:31 AM

Wise Employment – my upgraded version of the local library: quieter than the library and with coffee, it’s still got the powerpoints and seats which are all I ever use the library for.

There’s one woman in here today who is awkwardly telling people who ring that the others are all in a meeting somewhere else today so they’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get reconnected, overturn suspensions and anything else requiring any action be taken by WISE itself.

Good luck with that: if I were due for payment tomorrow and there was nobody here to flip a cancellation I’d be pretty fucked-off, and I’m even-tempered compared to half the people signed-up as clients here.

11:15 AM

Old-Brian from the church just bumped into me and asked whether I’d been out to see the community gardens again yet.

“No. No I’ve been working” I tell him and he looks up at me like that’s no kind of reason, so I had to clarify that this supervisor has me going places in an hours notice at midday or texting at 10:00 PM asking me to be at a site by four the next morning.

“I haven’t had time to sleep Bro – never mind visiting those barren gardens”

Course he’s no stranger to sleep deprivation and tells me he’s managed to finally get to the point where he can get up to two hours sleep until around 6:30 AM when he is deliberately woken up.

“By that nasty old woman in the room next to yours?”

‘Yes’

He’s told me before of this old woman, who apparently knocks loudly on the fibro wall between their rooms because she thinks he’s doing the same and though he insists he doesn’t go anywhere near the wall we’re talking about squabbles between neighbors who are so old, who knows what they’re actually doing or hearing or think they’re hearing or think they’re doing.

12:55 PM

Anyhow that’s about that for me in town for the day there’s nothing else to do go grab some frozen lasagna for dinner from Woolies and head home and finally continue with that fucking heart I keep trying to shape.

Every time I sit down to resume sanding it back either the supervisor wants me somewhere and I’ve got to immediately go to bed or I’ve gotta go over Woman #7s place to mow or snip or get insulted for hours on end before returning to finally sit down and start before the phone buzzes again and the whole thing repeats.

So far today, we’ve made it to almost 1:00 PM without a text for me to go get on a train somewhere so I’ll get my dinner and head home in a little while.


My drug dealer – ex-drug dealer now he’s told me he’s given up on that because he apparently had a heart attack and wound up dead for six minutes in an ambulance on the way to the hospital – he’s got himself a new girlfriend who’s a nurse at the hospital and she’s from a very upper class family, yet he doesn’t have to listen to the snickering and smirking and smart-arse fucking bullshit I’ve gotta put up with on the one or two days a week I actually do visit Woman #7 and with no kids, the drug-dealers well-off nurse girlfriend nags him to come over for dinner every night so they can spend time together – instead of inviting him over just to entertain a kid who’s as unpleasant as any child gets anytime she’s not getting everything exactly her own way because that’s the way she’s always had it.

As if anyone should be perpetuating that helicopter parent bullshit and you’re always telling me not to criticize you, while simultaneously doing nothing but picking at me about anything you can, and now your kid thinks she can be just as bad as her adult mother yet if I drop even the slightest insult back on her she falls to the ground blubbering like, well like a nine year old who’s only good at throwing the insults in the safety of her mother being right there to bolster and encourage that kind of bitchiness.

So I’m meant to just smile and put up with the mother insulting me plus the kid brainlessly parroting everything the mother says as if behaving like nasty bitches makes them people anyone would wanna even be around and coming from a well-to-do family isn’t any reason to always be acting like a primary school mole at age forty-five simply because that’s how the daughter acts simply because she’s parroting the little moles at school.

And to think you’re the one always on at me about being a kind person pft: the one place I want to be nice I’ve gotta listen to constant snarky bullshit from a middle aged woman acting like a nine year old and a nine year old who’s mother treats her like her middle aged bestie, until after a while I can’t bite my tongue regardless how much I try – like every time I get in the car now the kids, ‘Is it just like, meh or doth Jason like, totally stink Mommy?’ – every single time that’s how the visit starts off, regardless whether I smell good or bad or not at all and Mommy laughs like her child has just said the funniest thing any kid has ever said, even though it’s the same thing every, single, time and even though all she’s ever doing is copying whatever bitchy shit she hears other people say.

It’s fucking warped.

All the nasty abusive shit and being treated like an outsider still; with none of the things that hooked me to start with or made me wanna stay, still.

When your snarky, nasty, sarcastic, abusive and bitchiness is never countered by anything I actually want other than a plate of food for mowing the lawn, there’s no reason for me to even be there.

Just forget about it.

Go back to being another reader of the site as a surrogate to wasting both our time on shit that’s never going anywhere at all and merely thinking you’re better than me doesn’t make you deserving of me – especially if this is all you’ve got to offer.

I’m nobodies spare-time, part-time, casual or fair-weather anything and I’m sure as fuck done playing the part of an idiot just to make you feel better about yourself while you give the best if your time, energy and attention to every other cunt.

All afternoon on Sunday from the moment you started making such a fucking huge deal of yarping about me taking the piss out of the old man with his little local weather predictions in Blackheath, all I kept thinking was “Just shuddup dood and wait a few more hours; you won’t get another home cooked meal for a while; you never have to come back; just put up with it for today.”

Hardly the kind of reaction anyone would have to a place they feel at home or even comfortable being at and hardly the way any woman who loved any man in the slightest would have him feeling within half an hour of his arrival at her place.

For the best I don’t come back too, since I wouldn’t want to ‘bring dis-ease’ into your home by making fun of old weather enthusiasts you’ve never even met, right?

Couldn’t have been your screaming that caused the dis-ease – no no it was the joke I cracked about a stranger, THAT’S what ruined lunch..


My phone is almost charged anyway so I can fuck off outta here.

The ex drug dealer and I agree that since we’ve never lived through a full on fire, we both want the wind to change to a southerly so it pushes the fire up into town and we can experience the fire that comes with it.

7:17 PM

I had frozen lasagne for dinner and buying the more expensive McCain brand turned out to be a mistake: it was edible, but then again I was hungry and the cheap supermarket branded generic lasagne is much better.

I gotta start looking for a place to move to.

Next weeks $1,260 will be divided up: some to pay back the ex-woman $300 of the groceries and other friendly assistance she’s given me over the past year, the last $100 to the ex-drug-dealer, $100 for a large pouch of my preferred tobacco and $100-$200 for a new pair of Scarpas since I can afford to buy my favorite hiking boots now and the rest of the money will just sit in the bank and get used gradually on living.

But the next $1,000+ paycheck I get I want to spend as rent in advance to move into share accommodation or a granny flat in town somewhere: plan is to simply pay the rent and move in, then come back here in the day to pack things I want to take until I’ve got everything and then simply drop the keys off at the local Department of Housing office and tell them I’ve moved out.

Simple as that.

Their government-contracted cleaners will charge them some exorbitant fee to clean the place and I won’t get whatever bond I’ve paid, but I really don’t give a fuck: I simply want a place where there’s a backyard and people around me who also work, instead if this shitcunt complex of losers and junkies.

So as soon as I’ve got the money to move IN at another place that’s exactly what I am going to do and don’t give two-shits about the ‘right way’ of moving OUT of this human sewage pit.

All the people told me I should make sure I never lose this flat because it’s a lifetime lease: those are the sort of cunts who like the thought of me living in a place packed with societies vomit: the junkies, alcoholics, perverts, chronically unemployed and the mentally deranged nutcases of every shape, size and variation – people who would rather make up whole illnesses for their own laziness and accept living in government housing, than ever even attempt to work another day in their worthless lives.

People like my mother.

I’m nothing like those wastes of space and everyone who thought I was; you can shove a kitchen knife up yourself and bleed to death 🔪

I’ll be back in a private rental with decent human beings before new year’s if my paydays line-up right, and not long after if they don’t 🖕

Once I’ve found a private rental with a decent human being to live with I’ll instantly have hot showers, electricity, a washing machine and wifi again and can buy myself a cheap laptop in the $600-$700 range to make all the website design, coding and writing much easier and then start squirreling money away.

When I’ve got myself a healthy environment to live in I can finally begin looking for a the woman I’ll spend my remaining days with: one who’s interested in being a woman to me opposed to only being obsessed about being a mother and though a childless woman is the only way to guarantee that, there’s plenty of single mothers who manage to draw a line in the sand and claim enough for themself to be able to create and maintain a relationship with a man while still having perfectly healthy and much better adjusted kids, it would be fucking heaven too, just for once to be with a woman who makes our relationship their priority instead of my constantly having to live with playing second-best to a kid that came out some other cunts dick: the bad fruit of a rotten marriage that never should’ve been.

And don’t think that’s targeting anyone in particular – there’s millions of single mothers with the same embarrassing story, same rotten fruits of the same dumb decision to marry some arsehole they never should’ve married then compounded the error in judgement immeasurably by letting that idiot get them pregnant.

So common in today’s society it’s been normalized and that alone shows how sick, perverse and amoral people have become.

But whatever right: equality is all I’m after.

Her happiness is my primary concern and my happiness is hers – the only way any relationship worth having can ever last.

I put her first; she puts me first.

A model that cannot function when his primary concern is her happiness while her only concern is her kid – he may as well not be there at all if she’s oblivious.

Equality with a woman worth spitting on.

All I’m after.

Wednesday, 4th December 2019

No southerly change overnight 🙁

No southerly change happening for days by the look of it, means that fire will just keep slowly oozing its way towards Wentworth Falls and we won’t even get any apocalyptic smoke until it’s out, though the blackened landscape afterwards will be there quite a while so I’ll have plenty of time to get down to Cliff Drive for a photo of that.

Finally, the knifework begins..

I just had a thought to append to yesterday: or I start squirreling money before I move in somewhere else – that’d probably be more sensible.

I should wait until I’m permanent really but I’d really not in any hurry to do that – less money for more work – though if a local site became available I’d probably have to take it, given how seldom anyone seems to quit permanent jobs in Katoomba mm.

Let’s hope nobody quits soon but that people are regularly sick as shit.

10:55 AM

Oop, look at that, I’ve gotta do Warrimoo Public today and tomorrow: that’s 48 hours this fortnight or 24 hours a week – more work than I actually need.

Gotta get ready 😏

Piss easy walk..

You see why that heart is happening so slowly? Just sit down to get into it and BOOM.. gotta get up and go be somewhere.

The supervisor told me this morning he’d find me a permanent site soon stating the reason being ‘I see you are good’, but I told him I’m pretty happy being casual for now because the hourly rate makes getting up and leaving the house worth it.

At $120 for every clean without having to pay any tax whatsoever, it’s true too.

I should text to elaborate that I’ll eventually want to go permanent anyway and that if a permanent site became available in Katoomba that’d pretty much force me to stop being casual to grab it while it’s there, though I’m sure as shit not signing on the dotted line for a site that requires a one-hour train ride anyway.

1:29 PM

Some guy called Ray has just text from the supervisors mobile number asking whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts.

I didn’t think they did eight hour shifts at all: it’s always been 4 hour morning + 4 hour afternoon split-shifts, mm.

Told him it depends on location, distance, which site or sites they are and the hourly rate, since – like I said just a few paragraphs up – I’m in no hurry to abandon the $30/hour casual rate I’m on at the moment.

I’d certainly do eight hour shifts for more money, but not for less.

Such an easy job cleaning too..

Lot of sweating sometimes which is just good exercise you’re getting paid for the way I see it, but I mean as far as responsibility and stress goes there’s no taking work home with you, no 2:00 AM call-outs you’ve gotta go to, no paperwork: you just show up, autopilot your way through the work then go home again.

This afternoon’s cleaning of Warrimoo Primary will be a little more stress than other sites because it’s only a single-cleaner school and the single cleaner who is permanent isn’t going to be there doo I’ve gotta go to the main office to find out all the alarm codes, what needs to be locked-up, what time the last teachers should be gone and figure out what needs to be cleaned at what I can skip without any regular there to give me a ‘de-briefing’ of the mechanics of the site, but that’s fine – long at so I’ve got the alarm details sorted before the staff leave I’ll have four hours to get the actual cleaning done.

Course after you’ve cleaned for a while you learn a bunch of hacks and shortcuts to the cleaning itself that allows you to just not bother with the shit nobody will notice and prioritize things they do, and “Make it look cleaned” is the tagline really.

Bins, toilets & vacuuming are the three most important things, but bins and toilets are the only things that absolutely need to be done if you’re really pressed for time for some reason.

6:15 PM

Okay so while Warrimoo the town is little more than a dip in the map and there’s so many flies you will go fucking, *mental* waiting for a train, Warrimoo Primary is a gorgeous little school.

If I did have kids, that’s the kind’ve place I’d want them going to: the staff are nice, everybody’s relaxed and the principal stood near the front gates telling each and every student who walked past to have a good afternoon.

The principal was one of the first people to introduce himself to me if course and he seemed both very proud of his little school and very welcoming and within twenty minutes of arriving he’d written the alarm code down plus gone around and told ask the teachers they had to be gone by 5:30 PM today – to save me the hassle of having leftover teachers still sitting in their classrooms later, when I would be ready to lockup and arm the security system.

Yeah he was very nice and though the regular cleaner wasn’t there at all to give me a summary of the mechanics of the site, the general assistant gave me a complete walkthrough of the school and showed me every area, where all the cleaners cupboards are and even showed me where the tea and coffee was within the teachers staff-room – telling me I’m welcome to have either anytime I like.

We ended-up talking about how I wouldn’t mind upgrading to a GA’s position but openings are as rare as chicken lips since no fucker ever seems to leave those jobs and he was nodding aas I said that, then he dismissed my opining there’d only really be a quick security course you’d have to do since you’d have to kick people out every so often – he said there’s not even that much to do, that GAs only have to do basic site health and safety courses as they come up.

“So it *is* just basic handyman shit? I can do all that I’ve been unblocking drains and fixing shit around the house for women all my life”

‘That’s it brother – bit of mowing, bit of drilling holes in shit; no training at all needed for that’

I always figured that was the case of course because I’ve seen the GA at many sites and they’re always just fucking around with a drill or toolbox doing standard repairs and maintenance.

Just someone’s gotta literally die for a position to become vacant and they’re on a salary, so it’s a fixed income and I don’t know how much that actually is.

He also told me I’m welcome to help myself to the bottle of chilled water he kept in the fridge on the one condition that I remember to top it back up so it’s always full 🙂

After doing the bins and some vacuuming I stopped to talk to the principal again in passing and told him what I said in the first paragraph: that if I had kids, this is exactly the sort of school I’d like them to attend, mostly because it’s just so small it has this homely kind’ve feel to it and he’s said they’ve got only 160 students all up, which I have no reference for but it sounds like a very small amount.

*…

8:33 PM

Okay now I’m home I’ve gotta stop writing and eat dinner then go to bed.

Here’s what our Ruined Castle fire looks like from Warrimoo, before I go..

Thursday, 5th December 2019

4:16 AM

Alright so though I got very little sleep I did remember the snap of a dream when I woke up, which is better than none, though that’s gotta do me for 8 hours work spread over 17 hours until I can sleep again so see how that shit goes.

I already told the principal that I might not be so lucid or chipper by this afternoons shift, along with the reason why and both the principal and the GA at Warrimoo Primary know all about Mohammed and his dodgy shit, with the GA filling me in on a little bit more of the big picture with things the permanent cleaner’s obviously shared with him about being docked days for attending his father’s funeral and how permanent cleaners afte going to lose money over the Christmas break because of some union/company agreement that’s been challenged or something.

From the I’ve heard over the past few weeks it’s a very good time to be a casual worker, and Mohammad taking me he’ll find me a permanent site soon probably has more to do with the fact workers will probably be resigning from permanent positions because of the way the company is squeezing them with less cleaners who’re having their hours cut while being told they’ve gotta do more work for less money.

Valley Heights – next stop’s me..

And the biggest stress of the morning will be trying to figure which of the small brass keys disables the security system within the 90-odd seconds I’ve got to actually get it turned off – there’s like 4 or 5 that all fit different panels and they all look the same – plus getting the second keypad alarm disabled separately and which to do first mm.. think the grey keypads only give you 30 seconds..

Outside of that, I’ve only got a few toilets and four classrooms to vacuum for the morning – one hours work on a slow day.

8:35 AM

KAH-CHING! – Another $120.

KA-CHING KA-CHING KAH-CHING!! 🤑

Didn’t get there ’til 5:00 AM and told the principal I might’s well give myself an early-mark then I at 8:00 AM, because I’d already done everything and didn’t wanna miss the train since one hour solid of the flies around here while waiting for the next train might very well see me requiring committal to a mental ward 🙂

Principal thought that was pretty amusing and understood perfectly so told me that’s fine and he’d see me this afternoon.

Sunrise this morning was fucking remarkable: being filtered by so much smoke and so low in the sky, you could literally look directly at it without much discomfort to your retinas at all..

Just invert the intense blood-orange from outside to inside and got it bang on.

I kind’ve wished I had a decent camera on me, but honestly even a top shelf professional SLR would surely need some kind of filter to capture the intense red the sun actually shone with because I doubt a standard lens could see it how your eyes do.

I used photoshop to increase the vibrancy and colour intensity but it’s still not how it actually appeared – all that vermilion around the outside of the sun was on the inside, but the colour in the photo is exactly how deep the tone was.

12:52 PM

I found out last night who this “Ray” is that appeared to be texting me from my supervisors number at lunchtime asking me whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts and it was not some spare mobile of Mohammads’ at all – he had no idea and shit himself when he found out what who it was that was contacting me with offers of bigger shifts 🙂

So to recap, yesterday at about 1:00 PM I’m on the train to Warrimoo when I get a text from who my phone contacts tells me is Mohammad – but on a different mobile number: guy called Ray, who’s asked whether I’d be interested in doing 8 hour shifts and I’ve replied that it’d depend where they are and what site etcetera.

I figured Mohammad had just given his phone to this dood for a minute to text me or something.

That was that until I got home at ~8:30 PM and remembered the text, so I’ve text Mohammad on his normal number and asked “Oh, who is Ray?”

‘I don’t know’

“He’s text me from one of your numbers asking whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts at about lunchtime today”

‘Say no!’

‘Say no to Ray!’

“What?”

‘What you say?’

“To Ray?”

‘Yes to Ray. What you say?’

“Ooh, I told him it would depend on where the site’s located, which site it is, and how long I’d have to..”

A second later, he’s ringing me and I answer..

‘He wanna steal my cleaners!’

“Yeah?”

‘Yes Ray try steal my cleaners! I call him now! Bastard!’

Ahhh 🙂

Turns out Ray is another supervisor with the company who handles a different area, and Mohammad sounded like he’d shit bricks when he heard he’d contacted me offering me work.

How this happened is that when I worked for the company years ago when Alyson or Steve or whichever one was the supervisor at the time they’d given me two mobile numbers I could contact them on and one of those mobiles has since been given to a completely different supervisor while both the numbers remain in my contacts under my supervisors contact.

Confusing, but I cannot think of a more succinct way of saying it.

But yesterday wasn’t the end of Ray’s contact: he text me this morning saying, ‘Hi Jason, I looked at the employee database and it has told me that you are active and that you rejoined the company in October this year.’

I text him back, “That’s me. I only quit back then because I broke up with my woman and was trying to blackmail her into putting out.”

Sure I could’ve omitted my reply, but what the fuck – that’s what I said.

I haven’t heard from Ray again so far, but Mohammad was going to ring him and have it out about him trying to absorb his blue-mountains cleaners and the overall point to me pointing out here is that the company must be *very* low on cleaners if supervisors are trying to rip each others workers.

Apparently Ray is in the western suburbs, which is not where I want to work even if it is a straight 8 hour shift because I fuckin’ loathe the western suburbs, but it’s certainly telling.

Gotta go get the train pft.

I am full-on pumpin’ the words out this month and just looked at the date to find we’re only 5 days in.

Gosh.

And here’s where I had to leave off before I came back out two hours ago – I only had less than an hour or so..

Another moment, another line.

Hopefully this will be the last shift for the week I’m going to now and I can get some ahh, “hearty carving” done, but who knows right?

I’ve already text dipshit to check that the regular cleaner will be there in the morning – so I know whether to lock the keys up inside the site tonight when I leave – and he’s confirmed.

Doesn’t mean he won’t text at 10:00 PM with some other site to do tomorrow, though it’s a bit late in the week for people to be having days off so I doubt it.

3:03 PM

Gawd.. I’m actually having to wait to start work.

All the outside bins are done so it’s just the inside shit but they haven’t finished school yet, plus they’ve had some ‘do’ arranged by a fat middle-aged blonde teacher so they’re all hanging around the library and haven’t finished with the classrooms yet either.

Mm.

6:53 PM

KAH-CHING!

Tell ya what I agn not understanding why the principal keeps telling me over and over that he appreciates my coming down from Katoomba.. apart from my groaning about having to come down from Katoomba.

No, seriously I did tell the principal where I live on the first shift and told him I’d rather be cleaning closer to home than down here in the lower mountains, but I also blamed my supervisor for the inconvenience and also explained that if this is where the work’s at then this is where I’ve gotta be.

But almost every time he walks past me he manages to find up saying, ‘I want to thank you for coming here to help us out. We really do appreciate you supporting us like this’

My reply is usually “Nah, no need to thank me – I’m getting paid for it” yet he still keeps telling me how much he appreciates my help.

At around 4:00 PM I walked into one of the six classrooms with my blue cloth to wipe down the desks when I noticed the huge electronic whiteboard display was turned on and had a little bit of finger-painted black scribble in one corner of the screen that one of the kids must’ve done.

I should’ve been wiping desks but it was yeah I couldn’t help myself so several minutes later..

Of course I instantly hated the stupid, weird noise with its pinched shape and nostrils so I erased some lines and redrew them like a normal cartoon nose then fucked around until I found the colour selector and finger-painted the fill im the ears, pupils, nose, tongue and right as I was finishing the collar the principal and teacher whose room was was walked in.

Both of them loved my awesome cartoon doodling skillz, and Miss Sarah said it was a very good dog 😎

I should’ve asked her to grade it – I might’ve got a smiley stamp 😏

Must be nice to be a primary school kid, where teachers tell you anything you attempt is amazing: they’re paid to be supportive and encourage all students, so even the talentless and mediocre get told they’re brilliant and everyone feels better than they are, until they get a bit older and discover adults around them lied – they’re not really good at all the things they thought they were 😫

Still, nice of her to auto-compliment my rushed and scribbled dog – especially since fingerpainting on a giant touchscreen isn’t what I’m paid to be doing 😊

I’d finished wiping down the desks by then anyway so I grabbed the cloth and bucket started heading to the next room and as Miss Sarah’s again told me what a great drawing it was I told her “Hope all the other touchscreens in the rest of the classrooms aren’t on – I’ll never get outta here!”

But none of the other touchscreens were on and I managed to wipe all the other desks without any major distractions, right up until the second last classroom when one of the teachers – who I’d noticed seemed a bit more outgoing than the rest – started taking to me and wouldn’t stop.

Don’t ask me – I just took the photo.

This specific teacher – with glossy, raven-black shoulder length hair, blue eyes and with skin that was evenly tanned enough to tell me she’s probably spent more time than she needs to sunbathing half naked trying to get men to notice her, which is an instant turn-off for anyone like myself who puts a high value on modesty – standing on a desk barefootis when I swing open the door and walk in: reaching up to hang large Santa decorations from the roof which I said looked good.

She’s told me teaching is rubbish pay for all the things she’s gotta do and that yeah, I don’t know whether she was hitting on me but she sure talked a lot and rapidly changed subjects like she was trying to find what interested me the most mm though she could’ve just been chatty, she seemed to be pushing for conversation more than would be natural with a near-on stranger who’s only there to fill-in for the regular cleaner for a day or so.

Of course I wouldn’t have a clue when someone *is* hitting on me at the best of times: women pretty much have to mash and rub against me before I start considering that might be their motivation, but the way she kept talking as if she were trying to hold me there in the classroom longer than I needed to be there seemed strange.

She did an excellent job decorating her classroom for christmas though and had she not been in the middle of the room up on desks the whole time I would’ve taken a photo to illustrate how full-on slathered the space was with all sorts of santas and reindeer and snowmen and little trees and tinsel – roof, walls, all the desks around sides of the room and every surface she could fit decorations had decorations covering them.

8:12 PM

Finally I’ve just gotta eat my frozen pie and garlic bread when it’s cooked and go to bed. God I love sleep.

Friday, 6th December 2019

1:26 PM

Mm I did wake up at about 8:30, but fell asleep again until an hour ago and other than sugar there’s nothing I need in town for once so I can sloth around all day like a slob and not give a shit about doing anything at all 🙂

Just wash my clothes on the weekend, and I’ve already considered next weeks pay and the clothing upgrades I’ll be buying: a new pair of scarpas because they’re the best boots I’ve ever worn, a new merino thermal long-sleeved shirt because the sleaves of the one I’ve got are ripped at the ends and a new pair of thermal leggings that’re merino instead of the acrylic rubbish I’ve currently got.

Like an RPG/Warcraft upgrade in armor for my character – from worn frayed cloth to finely woven gossamer – the new work clothes.

MORE WORK RAWR!!!

Saturday, 7th December 2019

What do I gotta do today.. wash my clothes, that’s right: clothes, town, charge phone, vegetate.

I just saw Barbara with that dood with the greasy, long unbrushed hair.

They were all holding hands and obviously a couple which strikes me as no surprise, but what most certainly is a surprise is that his hair still looks like it hasn’t been washed in the two years I’ve very vaguely known him.

People complain about my only washing my hair once a week or so, while this dood’s still gettin’ round town looking like some cunt’s stapled rats tails all over his fuckin head.

Come to think of it, Barbaras hair doesn’t look any cleaner than it did two years ago either – it’s still clumped together.

Barbara would definitely have fucked me if I hadn’t been so fast to move on Mandy, but Mandy was easy and winter was cold.

I’m sure Mandy won’t much like reading that but spare me the shocked expression: less than a week after I walked outta there she was off on a romantic weekend getaway with an ex boyfriend, then sat in her backyard the Monday afterwards, cleavage exposed, proposing that since I have my own place now that’s just around the corner, we could continue a relationship 🤮

The best defense against being labeled “cheap” or “easy” is to not be cheap or easy.

And doing it all on the sly like Woman #7 by constantly maintaining multiple, pigeonholed and completely quarantined ‘friendships’ with assorted men while never considering any of them a partner or boyfriend, don’t even start me on that bullshit.

Like every woman over 40 feels some desperate need to have more than one man chasing after them while they talk nothing but shit to your face – acting like the chaste good girl who’s far too busy to be wasting their time on men – while the little holes in their stories you detect are only ever the tip of the iceberg.

Me? I’m a fuckin sex-camel: I can go a long time without a drink, then endlessly slurp it in when I stumble upon the next lagoon and I have no interest in putting my mouth to just whatever puddle I find on the side of the road – I will hold-out for clean, fresh water when I finally do get to gorge myself on the stuff.

Still with all the bullshit it’s enough to have me fed-up with women – what’s a person gotta do to find a woman who’s worth chasing AND is trustworthy AND allows herself to be caught at least long enough for the chase to be worthwhile.

Julie from the nursery was the last woman I met who seemed to tick the right boxes while being down to earth and honest, yet reserved enough to illicit that chase response AND be attractive AND feminine.

Doesn’t help that I’m really not attracted to a great percentage of women in the population: I see plenty of visually attractive women every day, but I need one who knows that her brain is the most attractive asset she has, along with a moral code and physically I’ve always preferred non-classically beautiful beauty.

Barbie dolls, women who feel the need to slough make-up all over their face before leaving the house, women who act too overly sexual or girly or submissive and women who dress to make themselves a visual feast for any random men in town don’t interest me in the slightest because I love modesty and morality in a woman and no, I’m not an uptight christian dickhead.

I just appreciate genuine class in a woman.


Look at all the smoke around godamn I love that smell.

What else do I need to do..

I need to pack stuff in the two large moving boxes I’ve got so I’m not scrambling around finding bits and pieces once I’ve got somewhere to move to, but it’s so much easier to not do that whenever I’m actually home..

Besides, I’m thinking it’s probably more practical to save some money up before I escape the houso maggot-hole than after I move-in somewhere else as a buffer against the casual work intermittently drying up, so a couple weeks of hoarding cash can’t hurt.

Been there this long – what’s a couple more weeks – and I haven’t even started looking since I don’t yet have the standard four weeks in advance I’ll be expected to hand over.

I was going to wait until I’ve got permanent but I’ve got no control over when that’s gonna happen and don’t wanna be sitting around waiting for it, so I’ll roll the fuckin’ dice on casual hours and fuck off outta there as soon as I’ve got the bond in the bank.

Just up and leave I will.

12:05 PM

Old-Brian is in the library with me though he’s currently chowing down on a chicken roll he’s brought with him.

He offered me half but I told him no, “Too early in the day for me to eat Brian but you go ahead”

Not so much “chowing” though, he eats so slowly it’s much like watching a turtle mouthing a peice of seaweed.. gumming his sandwich one tiny bite at a time..

Good stuff – gives me a chance to fix the random images in the sidebar and update without having to converse, so I’m letting him eat without interruption and Old-Brian might not have many meals left to enjoy, so I don’t wanna distract him from fully appreciating the one he’s got.

Poor Old-Brian..

That’s what we’ve all got to look forward to huh?

Skin that tears like a kleenex tissue, swollen arthritic joints that seem frozen in a half open position, runny sores, eyes gummed-up with conjunctivitis and a complete absence of dress sense.. gawd mm

Oh and near complete deafness in both ears, memory loss, cataracts, heart problems, loneliness and death.

Actually wearing socks with sandals and not caring 😬

No no noooo nope; just nope.

NOT, FOR, ME.

Old-Brian is a vivid and poignant example of why I’d rather die before I get really old and why I need to find the woman for me and start creating a history with her as soon as possible – so we’ve got memories to remember in years to come: memories of when we were healthy enough to actually have sex without popping a joint and do things couples do together.

3:18 PM

Blaxland High monday morning 👍

You know, when he offered to find me a permanent site and I said I’d rather stay casual until I’ve got some money in the bank, he said he’d keep me busy as a casual.

So far he’s done that, though it’s more me than him: I’ve made myself the most reliable casual he’s got from Katoomba tol Blaxland and since I’m willing to cover anyone at any of the dozens of sites in the mountains there’s almost always someone sick or having a day or three off and I’m the cunt he texts when he wants someone who shows-up and since I do a fucking good job I’ve quickly jumped to the top of the list: with no kids, no mental issues and the physical fitness of a racehorse, I rock-up at each site, gest along with everybody and kick the arse out of every shift.

Makes me the top-shelf casual of choice for the entire mountains.

Minutes later he’s rang to offer me both Wentworth Falls TAFE in the morning for two weeks plus the Health Center in Katoomba and 5 weeks over the holidays.

How many hours is that – hours are all that matter..

102.5 hours @ $30/per is.. $3,075 I’ve got guaranteed over Christmas, and thanks to the tax-free threshold I’m paying no tax whatsoever on anything 🤑

It would be more but the shitty medical centre is only 2.5 hours a day, so I told him to mark me down to do it, but if a 4 hour afternoon shift comes up over the holidays I’d rather do that and then we’ll find someone else for the medical centre.

Told him I only want 4 hour shifts really and that anything less is for frail, sniveling pieces of shit like Kevin.

I’ll be able to move out quite comfortably indeed 😏

Sunday, 8th December 2019

Gotta find a place, gotta pack.

Gotta get sugar and charge my phone and I spose I can delete yesterday’s extended rant now I’ve said what I’ve gotta say but y’know, I’ve probably backspaced-away more text than I’ve actually left in place and I’m sick of deleting shit.

Awful lot of share places online, but there’s no point looking until after Christmas when I’ve got the money.

Bastard pigfucker – always comes down to money.

I could go down and price the shoes and merino thermals I plan to get on Wednesday, but again I’m really not seeing any point until I’ve got the money and even then there’ll be no protracted shopping expedition: I’ll go in, try the shoes on, grab the merino then tap and leave.

So there’s nothing to do but wait for my phone to charge then fuck-off back home for the day.


There’s these two full-on spastics flopped in wheelchairs that just got wheeled around the other side of the tables here.

Well one of them is moaning, the other is too much of a vegetable to even do that: the quiet one, an asian – well I cannot rightfully call him a man in that state – has really bloated, waxy-looking skin and he looks kind’ve contagious to be honest.

Ther other, the moaner, is caucasian and looks, well not much better but doesn’t look like a waxwork dummy god what was my point.. not to make fun of them certainly because there’s nothing funny about either of them.

Oh right, yeah here I am internally moaning about having to wait a month to move house when these poor fuckers are wheeled-in to remind me that there are worse things in the world than having to wait a few weeks for an upgrade in living conditions.

Yes, things could certainly be worse – glad I’m neither those two. Or the poor fuckers who gotta wheel them around and change their nappies.

Imagine that for a job – no amount of money would be enough.

The asian one just shart himself by the sound of it and the chick with him immediately groaned and wheeled him out.

What a way to spend your Sunday.

Monday, 9th December 2019

3:05 AM

I’ve got some tiny Indian chick boarded and sat down opposite me on an almost empty train and a carriage that’s completely empty other than the two of us.

I like that.

Without saying a word she’s demonstrated trust and a sense of safety in my vicinity.

Unless she’s one of those weird, Indian, man-eating demons just waiting for the right moment to turn and pull some grudge shit on me – grinning with blood red eyes and needle-sharp teeth – though I highly doubt it since she’s currently leaning against the window trying to sleep, not sharpening her fangs in preparation to lunge at me.

Really though, I’m obviously not as weird as some bitches would like to try and convince me I am, though if you tell someone they’re weird often enough they’ll start behaving that way just as surely as telling a woman her arse is getting wobbly will have her checking it everytime she catches her own reflection whether it wobbles or not.

9:41 AM

Man, wooee that’s twice since Saturday I’ve got on the same train a patrol of police have got off at the same station

While I was waiting for the train incidentally, I found a pair of women’s Ray-Bans just sitting there. Polarized judging by the glare reduction, Made in Italy – none of that cheap Chinese factory bullshit – and with a very attractive semi-transparent tortoise-shell frame that’s not polished but has a flat finish..

The lenses aren’t quite perfect but there’s no deep or bad scratches on them at all – only very light micro surface ones you can’t see unless you really look closely.

I gotta eat something.

1:33 PM

Yeah there’s nothing else for it, no matter what angle I analyze or try and make the peices fit together I’m simply wasting mental energy re-thinking the same stagnant variables.

An absolutely pointless pursuit.

Now I’ve got the job I need a nice new place to live so I can find a nice new woman and bury all the bullshit of the past four years forever.

I’m not even feeling the need I once did to stay in Katoomba: why punish myself walking up and down that fuckin hill day-in and day-out? I’m not married to the place.

I can just move into a place in a flatter town and save the energy for work since that’s where I’ll usually be heading – why make life more difficult for myself when there’s literally no benefit to it?

There is no reason.

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